I'm A Walking Travesty 'Zack Merrick'
by TheBeehive
Summary: All Time Low :
1. Chapter 1

He was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm drowning in my own misery and I just can't help myself. He was the only thing that ever mattered to me and I can't believe I just let him leave me. I gave up without a fight and I knew that I could've done something but I was thinking with my heart and not my head.

My heart told me that the only way that he could be happy was to let him go. He was suffering too much because of me and I just couldn't stand watching him suffer. All the pills he had to take. All the times I had to go with him to his doctor's appointment because he told me that he wanted me to be there just to hold him and to keep him safe. I complained here and there and look where I am now.

I was in my room and the verge of nirvana. I took all the anti-depressant pills I found in my room. He had an addiction to these things and now I see why. I can't believe he didn't actually ask me to take some and see how it felt to be on the clouds. I felt like I was floating on air. I felt like I was on my way to being with him.

I'm glad I never got the chance to throw these all away. I never knew that one day, I'd need them too. He was right when he told me that they were an escape. I couldn't find myself anywhere else but here – in my room with pills scattered all over the bed tempting me to down them all. I already took 5 of them and they were enough to keep me high for awhile but the pictures started to fade and I needed to keep myself in a delusional state because reality for me was too fucked up.

I got up clumsily and forced my shaking hands to pick up a pill. I really didn't know why I was shaking but I was too fucked up to even begin to care. I didn't want to have to worry about it at all and I wasn't going to worry about it because I don't have to.

I'm not making any sense anymore.

I took three more pills because my eyes couldn't find any more. I downed them with water and lay on my bed waiting for the pictures to appear just like a slide show but nothing came into view. Instead, my eyes started to shut and my breathing started to slow down. I was finally going to be reunited with him where we would last forever.

I shut my eyes completely ignoring the person who was calling out to me from reality. I was drifting away into my fantasies because I wanted to live in a fantasy world.

I was too much of a travesty to be alive and well. I needed to get away from this world. To get away from everything that kept me trying to forget about him. He was all that ever mattered to me and I don't know how to live without him. So if he was going away, then so was I.


	2. Chapter 2

Bright white lights all around me made me squint as I opened my eyes. Machines were beeping at my side and I felt wires hooked into my body. I was light headed and I wasn't super sure about what was going on but one thing I knew was sure. I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I wasn't buried six feet under the ground in a twelve feet grave. I was lying on a bed with a head under my pillow with a sense that I was still breathing. I was still alive.

I wanted to throw a tantrum but I knew that that would only cause them to think of me as some person who'd be better off in an asylum for mentally retarded people. I wasn't mentally retarded. I was just sick of everything around me and I knew that he was the only one who understood me. He was the only one who cured that sickness and now that he wasn't here, the sickness spread like an infectious virus that was bound to eat me whole.

I felt a hand grasp mine but I didn't dare look at those eyes that told me everything would be fine. My mother was a liar. She didn't know anything about me and she never wanted to hear me out. I hated her guts. I can't believe she showed up. I bet she was the one who called the hospital and told them that I was popping pills. I bet she'd want me to get locked up in a place where I didn't belong because I didn't belong with her and she didn't know how to take care of me.

"Mia, honey, someone's here to see you," she didn't even rejoice at the fact that I was alive. But I guess that was a good thing because I'd be hurting one less person when I'd die and sail away from this formality they called a fucking life.

I didn't answer her. I just glued my eyes to the window and saw how it was raining outside. It was too dreary for my liking. It didn't help my mood at all.

I felt her hand slip away from mine only to replace by another one. The fingers that wound themselves around mine seemed calloused. The grasp wasn't tight at all. I knew whose hand it was but I was too afraid to face the person that held my hand. I knew that it would break his heart to find me here in this confined setting with machines keeping up with my status. I knew he would only tell me that what I did was stupid.

I turned my head slowly as he squeezed my hand lightly. Those brown eyes always got the best of me. I knew that right now they filled with concern but something in me told me that they also held a hint of disapproval but then again who would approve of a girl like me? In reality, trying to get away from everything and failing midway will give you tons of haters but I didn't think he'd care at all.

"Why?" he asked me. As if it wasn't clear already.

"Zack, what are you doing here?" I asked him not wanting to explain anything to him.

"I came as soon as I heard because…" he trailed off. "I came because I couldn't stand the fact that you would just give your life away for him. You've got so much to live for and you don't even know it," he was angry. He had every right to be. I couldn't blame him for caring too much.

All throughout my childhood with him, he's been like the big brother I've never had. Being an only child made him do that. He felt the need to protect me and being a clumsy girl, he felt the need to keep my feet planted on the ground. He never gave up on me, not once.

He never really liked Eric. He always thought he was some kind of jerk who took advantage of me and that I should be happy that he died. Eric had lung cancer from smoking too much but I didn't mind because he never pushed me into doing any of it. He never encouraged me to smoke or to do the drugs that he did. He cared about me but Zack seemed to think differently. He thought that he was using me as some kind of tool to keep himself alive. To tell him that he had something to live for and who'd think that that wasn't a good thing?

He told me that I was his only one and that I will always be. Sadly, he took this oath to his deathbed and left me with the whole world.

"You don't know that," I told him looking straight into his eyes.

He tensed a little and I knew I struck a nerve and I felt guilty but I was too tired to even think of a proper apology. "I'm only trying to help you because I know you. Well I knew you before he changed you," he muttered the last part.

Those words stung like a bee. But I didn't let it get to me. I didn't need him here. I never really needed him. I was head strong and stubborn and that'll get me somewhere someday and his warnings are nothing but petty sidenotes that I consider trash. They meant nothing.

I don't know why I was acting pretty bitter about all this but I knew how he felt about Eric and it hurt me knowing that he never really approved of him. Zack and I drifted apart because I chose to be with Eric. Zack warned me not to get too close to him before because he was only gonna kill himself but I didn't believe him then. I still don't until now. He had cancer and it was hereditary. That's what I believed and wanted him to know but he was just as stubborn and I was. I didn't know how or why we got along before.

"I don't need your help," I spat as I tried to take my hand away from his. He tightened his grip but it was still sorta comfortable.

"I can't believe you're actually being stubborn about this," he said shaking his head. So much disapproval showed on his face.

"I can't believe you're actually starting to hate me because of this," I countered as he rolled his eyes in all the anger he could stir up.

"Stop it, okay?" he pleaded. "I just want you to find yourself again," he said sitting on the chair next to me so he could level with me.

"I know who I am Zack, you don't have to help me rediscover myself because I'm only going to find the same answer." I said but I knew deep inside that I wasn't the same person I knew back then.

I wanted my old life back and I wanted everything to be okay again. I couldn't bare all this depression and all these thoughts about Eric. It was just too much for me and I can't believe I let it go this far.


	3. Chapter 3

After spending a whole day refusing to answer people's questions, I was discharged from the hospital. For the past week, I've stayed in my apartment downtown getting out only when I wanted to go and get something to eat. Other than that, I just locked myself up refusing to open the door when people knocked on it. The only time I left the door unlocked was when I took the pills. I went out to get a bottle of vodka after the first two pills and I guess I forgot to lock the doors when I came back in.

My mother told me that Zack was the one who found me sedated. My mom hardly asked me about the drugs and why I took them. She knew me and she knew I'd do anything to get what I want and besides if she did ask, I wouldn't tell her.

Zack had just come from his tour with his band, All Time Low. He had heard about Eric's death and wanted to see how I was doing. Laying unconscious on a bed filled with pills was hardly what he could call fine even if I told him a hundred times that I was.

I was back at home with my mom. She and Zack were discussing things downstairs. She was probably telling him about how much of a fuck up I was and how I was a disgrace to this family. It was typical for her to say shit about me all that. She and I were never under good terms after I chose to get an apartment instead of keeping her company.

I walked to my door and opened it to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"I think it'll be a good thing for her. I mean she'll get to get away from all of this and start over," Zack said to my mother who smirked.

"Zack, if she tried to kill herself because she lost something that she loved dearly, what's moving to California with you going to do? For all I know, when she comes back she'll doing drugs and smoking and-"

"I'll watch over her like I always have. You don't have to worry Mrs. Shay," Zack said sincerely.

They're talking about me moving to California? Are they insane? I'm not going to California! I mean I'm well-adjusted here and moving some place new wasn't going to help at all. I didn't want to forget about everything I've ever known. I'd be empty without these memories that haunt me everyday. That may have sounded twisted but it was true.

"Zack, I don't know. I'm worried about her and I was thinking about checking her in to a-"

"She's not crazy, Mrs. Shay," Zack almost stated furiously. Zack had always been respectful and he never disrespected my mother or anyone older than him. "She just needs some time to move on," he said.

"Well, I'll see if I can go talk to her," my mother said.

"Thank you," Zack said before departing for the living room.

My mother was walking towards my room. I retreated back to the edge of my bed and sat down and faced the window.

Maybe moving away from here would be something good. It could give me new hope. It might give my life meaning again. It might restore the emptiness Eric left me with. The hole in my heartfelt deep with sadness and something in me was getting tired of feeling like this.

It was already a week since the burial. I wasn't allowed in because his mother blamed me for his death. She told me that I was some hoe who made him smoke and do drugs. But the truth was that she was someone who expected too much from her son. She was the whole reason why he divulged into cancer sticks and pills. It was all because of her and her fucking expectations.

He loved me and he told me he was always going to. He told me he loved me when he died. He loved me. But somehow, when he left this world, I began to think that maybe he didn't because if he really did love me he would've stayed alive for me. But that was irrational. I was senseless.

"Mia?" My mother said knocking on the door, waking me up from my thoughts.

I decided to look at her this time. I know what I wanted and I chose to agree with this plan. Besides Zack will probably help me a lot more than she ever can. I'd pick Zack over her any day.

"Zack and I were talking and he said that maybe moving to California might make this a little easier for you," my mother said sitting beside me on my bed. "But I told him that you wouldn't even consider-"

"I, uh, sorta heard what you guys were discussing about," I interrupted her. "And maybe it could be a good thing," I said. This was the first time I spoke to her about anything after Eric's death.

My mother was shocked that I even spoke to her and even more surprised that I agreed to Zack's idea. "Are you sure that's what you want, honey? I mean don't you want to think about it first?" she asked me.

"I'm sure," I'm sure I don't wanna spend the rest of my days talking to you and waiting 'til you send me away to a mental hospital.

"Let me go tell Zack then," my mother said getting up but I stopped her.

"No its okay, I'll go tell him myself," I told my mother and her eyes opened up a little wider – if that were humanly possible.

I got out of my room and left my mom there with her thoughts. Zack turned his head as soon as he heard me coming into the room. He smiled a small smile and I returned a smaller one. I sat next to him on the couch and told him about how moving to California would be a good idea.

"Really?" he asked me sounding like a kid who woke up on Christmas morning.

"Yeah," I said and he pulled me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him and felt almost better. The way he wrapped his arms around me was similar to how Eric wrapped his arms around me. It was comfortable and somehow I felt like it was alright again. It felt like I was whole again. Who knew all I needed was a hug?


	4. Chapter 4

I was in the terminal. All my bags were checked in and all that was left to do was wait until it was time to board the plane. Zack hasn't left my side ever since we got here and I told him that he didn't have to keep a close eye on me and he told me he wasn't – that was simply stuck to my side because he had no place better to go and nothing to do. Well I knew better than to start an argument with him so I just let him be.

"So do you live in a house all by yourself?" I asked him trying to make time pass by faster. It wasn't awkward being with Zack. I've known him for so long to consider his company awkward.

"No, I actually live with my brother but we have an extra room and he's excited to see you," he told me and I smiled at him.

Peter, Zack and I always used to play together as children but I was always closer to Zack because Peter would always make fun of me. As I grew older, I figured that he was just immature then and that every kid has those kinds of moments. I was only unfortunate that he let it all out on me. Zack was there to comfort me after though so it was all good.

"He is?" I asked him and he nodded with an encouraging smile.

I wished I could be just as happy as Zack was right now but thoughts led me back to Eric and everything just comes crashing down. We started to board our flight as soon as the flight attendant paged our flight. We got up and walked through the gates after showing our tickets and met the stewardess who was checking Zack out. I laughed as we entered the plane as he whispered to me about how creepy it was that the old stewardess was checking him out. I was laughing – something I hadn't done in a week.

We settled into our seats and buckled in. As soon as we were secure and everyone boarded, the plane took off and I fell asleep. I subconsciously leaned on Zack's shoulder and I was glad that he didn't mind. He placed an arm around me and wrapped me up in his strong arms that he loved to work out with.

When I opened my eyes, the plane already and landed and people were grabbing their luggage from their overhead cabins. Zack and I were the last ones to get out of the plane since we were situated at the very back of it. I didn't really mind but Zack seemed to be really impatient.

Once we got our stuff, we followed the crowd out into the terminal. Peter was waiting for us and I was glad to see that familiar face. I ran as soon as I saw him and hugged him. I've never felt this happy for the past week and I was glad I was finally getting rid of the sulky emotion. Zack smiled when I turned back to look at him. He had all our stuff on a cart and I felt kinda guilty about letting him grab my stuff without my help but he told me not to worry about it. So, I didn't.

The ride on the way to their California home was filled with memories and such to get my thoughts away from what made me try to hurt myself. They never pressured me to answer anything I didn't want to and I was happy that they didn't dwell on that subject just like my mother had for the past week.

"So how've you been?" Peter asked once he parked the car and we all got out. He popped the trunk and I started grabbing my bags. Zack went in ahead asking Peter to carry his stuff inside. Peter didn't really mind.

"I've been better, I guess," I said lightly as I dragged my trolley up the porch and carried it over the steps. "And you?"

"Things have been going by smoothly for me," he said tossing Zack's backpack over his shoulder. I wonder what Zack would've done if I didn't agree on coming with him.

"Sounds great," I told him.

He told me about his band called Runner Runner and how they were getting into the scene and how happy he was that there were fans out there who loved their stuff. He told me that he was going to introduce me to the whole band and I told him that I couldn't wait.

This time everything that came out of my mouth was true. I don't know why but somehow, when I'm around Peter and Zack, it felt like I could be myself again because I trusted them enough to show them my true self. I was beginning to think of this idea as a really good one not only because I can get away from my mother but also due to the fact that maybe I'd be able to find myself again sooner rather than later when it's too late.

As I got inside the house, I heard someone laugh. It was a female's voice. I walked to the kitchen just to find Zack wrapping her arms around the girl's waist. She was about my age so I guess she was his girlfriend or something. I was happy for him. I was glad that there was someone out there who was lucky enough to have found Zack and that Zack loved her.

"Oh Mia, I want you to meet Ella," he said and I moved forward with a smile on my face leaving my bag in the living room. "Ella, this is Mia – my best friend since we were kids," Zack introduced and we both shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you," I said genuinely.

She smiled her bright smile that probably won Zack over the first time he saw it. "The pleasure is all mine," from the way she spoke, she sounded nice. I wonder if she really was someone nice.

Look at me, doubting the person who's making my best friend happy. I shouldn't be doubting her. I should be welcoming her with open arms. I don't know but maybe I was feeling kinda jealous? No, that might not be it.

Zack started to talk to her some more making me completely out of place. Peter came into the room and showed me around. For some reason I seemed kinda out of it. Was her presence going to wreck our relationship? I hope it doesn't. I was willing to be friends with Ella. I hope she feels the same way.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you okay?" Peter asked me as soon as we got into the room they let me use for the duration of my stay here.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I said showing off a bright smile.

"You don't happen to have feelings for him do you?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Of course not," I said laughing nervously. I didn't know why I was nervous I mean I really didn't like Zack in that manner so why was I feeling so flabbergasted?

"Whatever, I'll leave you to freshen up," he said and I smiled. "And later, we're all going out," he added.

"Where to?" I asked him.

"Hanging out somewhere, most probably at Ryan's house," he told me.

"Ryan who?" The only Rian I knew was Zack's band mate and he lived in Maryland which was far away from here.

"Oh right, Ryan Ogren is the lead singer of that band I'm in. You know, Runner Runner…" he said and I smirked.

"I know the name of the band you're in, you just never introduced me to the guys you play with," I said with a yawn.

"Well, I'll introduce you to them later," he winked before heading out of my room.

After he shut the door, I was left alone in the room. I was glad that Peter didn't treat me like the rest of the world did. He treated me like a normal person and that was something that I'd missed for a quite a long time now. I didn't want to be looked upon with sympathy because that only made me miss Eric more. Whenever they asked if I was okay, I'd always tell him no and then they'd ask why and then flashbacks start playing in my head and once it starts, it never seems to end.

I got up and grabbed some clothes from one of my bags and took it to the bathroom so I could shower. One thing that surprised me was that everything was clean and that the bathroom even had new products inside. I sorta expected this house to be really messy seeing as though the people who lived in it were both guys and they were in their 20s which is a pretty young stage in their lives but maybe they were different or maybe this was just for today since I just arrived.

I locked the bathroom door and placed my clothes by the sink before getting in the shower. I didn't think a shower would lighten my mood up some more but weirdly it did. The water felt so good on me and I didn't really want to get out but then I heard a knock on my door. Luckily, I had no suds on my body or shampoo in my hair anymore. I grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped myself around in and quickly opening the door.

"Oh, uh, sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Um, it's okay Zack. What's up?" I said only opening the door wide enough for my head to be the only thing seen from the outside.

"Um, I was just wondering if you were doing alright. I mean with the room and all," he said but it seemed like he was meant to say something else.

"Oh, um yea, it's great actually. I was surprised that it was pretty clean." I said with a smile feeling awkward in my position.

"Oh well we all help in cleaning the house," he said biting his lip.

"That's nice," I said looking from side to side. "So, um, can I go change first? I'll come out right after," he nodded eagerly and I smiled at him before closing the door.

I dried myself off some more before putting on some clothes. I walked out of the bathroom with semi-dry but messy hair and saw Zack sitting on the edge of my bed looking out the window. He smiled as soon he turned his attention to me and patted the space beside him to tell me to sit down.

"Where's Ella?" I didn't know why I chose to ask that question first but whatever.

"She's downstairs with Peter. Why do you ask?" he said and I turned to look at him and shrugged.

"I don't know. I just thought you guys were together or something," I told him and he laughed.

"Why does everyone get that idea? I mean we're only friends," he said and I smirked.

"Well that's what they all say," I said looking at my toes.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and my head perked up. Zack leaned against my shoulder. "I've missed you," he started to say. He sounded really sincere and serious. I smiled as I shifted in my position so I could hug him properly.

"I've missed you a lot too," I told him taking in the moment and his scent. He smelled really good and his body was so tight and muscular and sexy. Wait, did I just say that? What is happening to me?

"So what're you planning to do today?" he asked me as soon as we pulled away from each other. I was sorta unwilling but I didn't want to cling to him. That would just be weird and creepy.

"Well, Peter said he's going to introduce me to the rest of Runner Runner later," I told him and he raised a questioning eyebrow. "What?" I asked and he shook his head.

"It's nothing. It's just that Peter didn't mention anything about that to me," he said and my eyebrows creased. "But anyway, I came here to ask you if you wanted to go out with me and Ella. We're heading out to get some ice cream,"

"Oh, um, I don't know. Peter already told me-"

"Oh, say no more. Another time maybe?" he interrupted and I nodded.

Zack and I went down the stairs together and went inside the kitchen where Peter and Ella were. They seemed to be laughing about something together but stopped when we came in the room.

"Are you ready to go?" Zack asked Ella who nodded eagerly.

They went out the door first while Peter went to get a bottle of water for me and for himself.

"Thanks," I said twisting the cap and drinking its contents. "By the way, why didn't you tell Zack about you introducing me to the band?"

"Oh well, I'm sorta setting them up," he said and I raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked before my breath got caught in my throat.

"Well, I'm giving them some alone time so that they're relationship can become something more than friendship, you know?" he said and I showed a synthetic smile. "So you ready to go?" he asked and I nodded and we were out the door to some person's house.

I didn't know why I didn't like the fact that they were spending time together. I mean for some reason, I don't know but maybe I was jealous? Well there was one thing I knew for sure and that was that I was definitely broken inside.


	6. Chapter 6

"We're here," Peter said parking his car on the curb in front of a really big house. It wasn't like it was mansion big but it was bigger than the norm – that's for sure.

I got out of the car after Peter and walked around the car and up the front porch beside him. He knocked on the door five times before someone opened it. I was looking around and not paying attention to what they were talking about at all. I was sorta preoccupied. My mind was bouncing back to Ella and Zack and there was this voice in me that wouldn't just shut up about what they might do or what they might be doing. I know that I should really just mind my own business and shit like that but I just can't help myself.

"Mia?" Peter said shaking me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at him then to the guy in front of him. He was sorta cute. I mean that smile of his was definitely a charming one.

"Uh, yea?" I said sorta embarrassed because now they were laughing at me for being so clueless.

"This is Ryan Ogren," Peter introduced. I smiled slightly at him and he held out his hand for me to shake. I gladly took it and was taken aback by how soft his hands were. "Ryan, this is Mia."

He smiled before bringing my hand to his lips and made me jump a little. They both laughed as we all piled inside the house. Ryan sat me down on the couch. Apparently he was watching Top Chef before we came over. Peter and Ryan went to the kitchen probably to get something to eat or whatever but I started to get suspicious as soon as a few more minutes passed and they didn't come into the living room. I got up and walked to the kitchen where they were both whispering to each other. I thought only girls did that.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked catching them off guard. Both of them shot up somehow frightened and faced me with those nervous smiles.

"Nothing," Peter said walking to the fridge to keep himself busy.

I was about to say something else when all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Peter sprinted for it and left both me and Ryan alone in the kitchen.

"So how's your stay here going?" he asked. For some reason, he made me nervous and I really didn't want to have to feel that way but I don't know. I mean its like part of me wants to feel like maybe I have some kind of chance with this guy while the other half of me is telling me that I'm doing something totally wrong.

"Um, it's going alright, I guess." I said sitting on the stool by the island counter. He was sitting on top of the counter but turned his body so that he could look at me while we conversed.

"Are you gonna be here forever?" he asked and I looked at him with a questioning eyebrow. "It's not like I don't want you here. I'm just asking 'coz you know you might be headed home at some time or whatever…" he rambled nervously.

I laughed at him and he blushed slightly as he scratched the back of his head. "I think I'm gonna stay for a long time. I mean I have no plans about going back or whatever." I told him and he nodded.

"Well that's good," he mentioned and I tilted my head to the side to tell him that I didn't really get what he meant. "It means that we'll have time to get to know each other better," he winked and got off the counter. "Come on, the guys are waiting for us." He grabbed my hand and led me back to the living room where three other guys were laughing about something.

Ryan let go of my hand as soon as the guys turned their attention to us. I didn't really like the feeling of Ryan's hand letting go of mine but I knew how guys were and I'm sure that if they saw our hands clasped like that, they'd start teasing us or something and that would only make things awkward for both of us.

"So Mia, this is Jon, Nick and James and they make up the rest of Runner Runner." Peter introduced. I smiled at all of them and shook everyone's hand. No one repeated Ryan's gesture which was good because I didn't want to have to think that that was something they did to people they met.

"It's nice to meet all of you," I said being polite. They returned the politeness and then we all spent time in the living room just fooling around and stuff.

Nick and James were playing NBA on the PS3 while Jon was talking to someone on the phone. Peter and Ryan asked me head to the back porch with them and I was sorta surprised that they weren't really watching the other guys play or something.

Ryan and I headed to the back porch and sat on the porch swing with just enough space to keep us both comfortable. Peter came out seconds after with a guitar in his hands. I looked over at Ryan who grabbed a chair from the side for Peter to sit in.

"So since we have nothing else to do, we thought jamming out here would be a good idea." Ryan said and I nodded.

"This is a thing we do when we try to stir up inspiration and I know someone's pretty inspired right now," Peter said looking right at Ryan and then back at the strings. He tuned them while Ryan stayed quiet.

As you can see, it was pretty awkward after that but as soon as the strings started to make music; it was all pretty cool from there. Ryan started harmonizing and I was sorta astounded because I've never really heard a voice really good up close. I mean I've been to concerts and crap like that but having the person sing right in front of you with no microphone and stuff was just amazing.

Peter started strumming the chords to Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard just to warm up Ryan's voice and I think that even without the warm up, he'd sound as good as he did now but he does have to maintain his voice too so whatever.

To tell you the truth, I did want to sing as well but I was sorta scared that I might go out of tune or something and wreck the whole point of this jam session. I mean Ryan has too much talent and I thought that maybe if I opened my mouth, I'd totally bring him down with me.

After the first song, Ryan looked at me and I smiled at him. "You guys are really good, you know." I told them both.

"Thanks," they said in chorus as I brought my legs up on the porch so I could hug my knees.

"Don't you sing too, Mia?" Peter asked and I held my breath there. I was being placed under the limelight and I seriously didn't need that.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I used to but I don't anymore." I told them and Ryan looked at me with a perplexed look on his face.

"Why not?" Ryan asked. I looked at Peter but he was busy tuning his guitar.

"Well, it's a long story," I said trying to avoid the question. He looked sorta hurt that I didn't want to tell him but maybe in time I could fill him in about the whole I-stopped-singing-because-something-bad-happened fiasco.

Peter started another song but stopped as soon as there was a knock on the door that was semi-audible from the back porch. "Are you expecting someone else?" Peter asked Ryan.

"Not that I know of," he said getting up and looking through the screen door that divided the back porch from the kitchen.

We all went inside to see who it was that knocked on the door. Turns out that Zack was the one who knocked on the door and he was alone. That was weird. I sorta expected him to be with Ella since she was his girlfriend-to-be.

"What's up, bro?" Peter greeted Zack giving him one of those man hugs but Zack didn't seem to be really into it. It was like each action he made was done half-heartedly.

I looked at him with concern. He was in a silent mood and that wasn't good. Every time he puts himself in a bubble like that, something was completely bothering him. And then it came to me – Ella.

I walked up to him as soon as Peter and Ryan went back to the back porch. He didn't move from his spot on the kitchen so I sat beside him on the table and tried to comfort him by placing a hand on his arm. He placed his free hand over mine and kept it there.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" I asked him and he looked at me as he breathed in harshly.

"I was about to make her mine and she freaked." He told me sullenly. "I just don't get it,"

"Maybe she was just shocked, you know. Give her some time and she'll lighten up," I tried to encourage him even if I knew that that was against my good will.

"I'm tired of waiting for her. Besides, she told me that she was only hanging out with me because she wanted to get closer to Peter." That statement right there totally broke my heart.

I hated that I didn't know what to do in a situation like this. All that I did though was pull him into a hug and keep him comforted because that was what I was for – comfort.


	7. Chapter 7

The hug lasted longer than I expected but then again, we did this a lot before so it's not really surprising that he didn't let go when most people usually did. I tried to get him out of his sulky mood by telling his that it'd be alright but he said that I didn't know that it'd be alright so I should just keep my mouth shut and not talk about it again.

At that, I was hurt but I understood exactly why he was acting like this. I guess he really did like this girl. He wouldn't be acting like this if he didn't. I just hope that that girl won't show her face to Zack or Peter anymore. She should just go bury herself under the ground or something because what she did to Zack was pretty brutal.

"Hey, I'm sorry you had to hear all this," he told me all of a sudden as he played with my hand.

"Its fine, Zack," I said with a smile as I held his hand. "I'm here for you. You know that,"

"I know but I don't want to burden you with anymore problems, I mean…" he said trying to take it all back but I just smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't worry about it Zack, the memories are almost gone, at least I think they are," I told him and he gave me a smile and pulled me into another hug.

Was it obvious that I'd lied to him about the memories that were replaying over and over in my head? Of course, the memories were still there. They don't just fade away like that. I can't believe I just lied to him about that.

"Hey, I'm gonna need some air. You go on out the back porch and talk with the guys. I'll be right back," I told him and his eyebrows slowly started to meet.

"I didn't say anything, did-"

"No, you didn't," I interjected. "Now go," I said pushing him out the screen door with a smile on my face.

I walked towards the front door and sat on the porch swing they had there. It was too bad that Ryan didn't live near a body of water or something. It would've made me feel a bit better. I've always loved watching waves crash on the beach. I did that too much with Eric. So maybe it was a good thing that Ryan didn't live on the beach or anywhere near it. It just made not thinking about him easier.

I breathed in for probably the millionth time already just wondering what about what could've happened if he never really did any of the drugs. Would I still have liked him in the same way? Would I have cared about him at all? Practically the whole time we were together, I was playing doctor and he was my patient. It was something that I thought was unlike any other relationship out there but I was locked up in a world where he and I were the only ones that mattered and I was pretty fine with that, to be honest.

Thoughts, memories and dreams found their way into my head and I just wanted to start screaming and convince myself that there won't be a next time in this life I was living. I hated how I kept thinking about things like what would happen if I found someone else just like him and have the same things happen again. I didn't want to have to deal with another loss. I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me and wasn't about to leave in a few months time. I wanted to be with someone and know for sure that there would be an always and forever.

"Hey, why are you out here on your own?" A voice asked me. I turned to face that person and saw that it was Ryan. I don't know why but it was sorta strange that he couldn't really leave me alone. But then again, maybe it was just a coincidence or something.

"Thinking," I said simply looking back out at the road in front of me watching the cars zoom past me.

"Well, you can always think inside you know," he said and I smirked.

"I don't really find it nice to think inside four walls, sometimes it's nice to think outside," I told him as he sat beside me.

"Well if it helps, my house doesn't really have four walls," I had to laugh at that. For some reason, he always made everything seem less painful that it really was and that was one thing that I liked about him. Wait did I just say that?

"Whatever, it's still a confined space," I told him and he nodded.

"True," he said.

We started to talk about the most random things and then topics started sprouting from one unto another. It was sorta inevitable that it would lead to Eric. Actually, I was sorta expecting it. I did everything with Eric for about 10 months and each day we did something new. He always made it seem like the next day was another day to look forward to. Well that was until the day he passed away.

"So you wanna talk about him?" he asked before he diverged into a question that was sure to make me think about Eric more.

"I'm not really sure," I told him and he nodded.

"Then if you don't want to then-"

"Well, it's not like I don't want to its just…you wouldn't really want to know, would you?" I asked him but he just shrugged.

"I don't know, I mean if he was that important to you and if he really was a part of your life then there could be something significant about a little story. I might be able to learn a little something," he said and I shook my head before telling him about Eric.

I told him everything about him. I told him about the drugs, the cigarettes, the late nights out with him, the pills, the doctor's appointments and everything that I did with him. I told him about all the times we fought but made up at the end and the way I loved how he understood me and loved me for who I was. Eric cared about me, he really did. But everyone out there thought that he only used me for one thing and one thing only but truth was that we never really got intimate or anything like that.

I knew that he wanted to but he knew I wasn't ready and we both knew that there would be a time where we'd both have to say goodbye. It was a safe relationship but there was really this one time where he got high after smoking pot that he pressured me into doing something we both knew we'd regret.

"What did he do exactly?" Ryan seemed to be really curious about this. I don't know but I think he was looking for some kind of situation where Eric messed up and did something wrong. This was sorta it.

"Well, he asked me and I said no and he started to say things like I never really loved him and shit and he threatened to hit me and right when he was about to take his first strike, I closed my eyes in fright but once I opened them again, he was gone," I said remembering what happened like it occurred only a few days ago.

Ryan stayed silent this whole time. I think maybe he was trying to process but maybe he didn't really know what to say about it.

"Why did you stay with him? Didn't he try to do the same thing again?" he asked me sounding sorta angry.

"Well…" I can't really say that he didn't because there were really times where he tried it over again thinking that maybe it would be the right time but I wasn't all for giving myself to him. I mean it's not like I didn't love him. It's just that I didn't like the fact that I was giving myself to someone who'd leave me in the end.

"Wait, sorry, you don't have to answer that." He said looking away.

I was grateful actually that he didn't expect me to answer it. A few minutes later, he placed his hand around me. I felt comfortable with him and knew that this was safe. It was just him comforting me - nothing more, nothing less.

I heard the screen door open and close and then heard someone clear their throat. I looked back to see Zack with a semi-angry look on his face. Ryan got up and went back inside. I didn't really get why Zack was angry. Did I do something that gave him a reason to hate me? Sometimes I just wonder about what I do to annoy him. But I didn't have to care this much, did I?


	8. Chapter 8

"You weren't thinking about going out with him, were you?" Zack asked as he sat right beside me.

"What if I told you I was?" I asked him curious as to why he started the conversation like this.

"Because he's only gonna hurt you in the end," he said frankly as he stared at the sky.

"You don't know that," I told him immediately regretting I said anything in the first place because obviously Zack knew Ryan better than I did.

"Look, you don't need any more problems so don't start making more, okay?" he said. I didn't like that he was in such a pissy mood. It was so influential that somehow it made me feel the same way.

"Zack, don't worry, I wasn't thinking about going out with him, okay?" I told him finally getting all the aggravated aura out of my system. I didn't want to have to feel this way right now.

"You weren't?" At this he was sorta surprised but at the same time, a relieved tone was evident in his voice. It was sorta weird in a way and I was beginning to think that maybe he was doing this not just to protect me but because of something else. But maybe I was only fooling myself into thinking that Zack would ever like me as more than a friend.

I shook my head at him as I got up. He watched me and followed suit as I went back inside. I didn't know why I didn't notice this before but when I looked to the side of the living room, I saw a piano stashed away in the corner standing beside a cabinet filled with books and old records. I looked back at Zack but realized that he probably went to go find the guys who were out back practicing or something.

Since I had nothing to do and since I didn't really feel like being around people, I went towards the piano and sat on the chair that was placed right in front of it. I bit my lip as I lifted the cover that protected the familiar black and white keys. Slowly, I began to reach for the keys that played the notes to that one familiar song. I really wanted to sing along to the melody but I couldn't. It was as if the very words made me think about how Eric told me to stop singing because I had the most horrid voice in the world.

I stopped singing after one little incident happened. I played a song I composed to Eric. I made it just for him and I worked very hard on it but he wasn't pleased with my performance at all. Of course, that was after the whole refusal about getting intimate with him. After I said no to him, he started to take more drugs and he started getting high more often. It was as if being stuck in reality made a depressed monster out of him. I myself didn't get it but I chose to stick with him because I was blinded by what I thought was love back then.

I made tons of sacrifices which in the end were pretty worthless in more ways than one. He never really gave a damn about what I did for him anymore and there were times where I actually regretted being with him but I knew that if I left him, he'd take the first ride that would lead to his death. I didn't want him to die because of me…

As the last key slipped from underneath my finger and the last note was heard, people started applauding from behind me. I turned around slowly to see who they were. Practically everyone was out there with big smiles and pretending like my performance made them all teary-eyed. I smiled at them as I got up. Zack put his arm around me as the rest of the guys shared their thoughts about how good they thought I was on the piano.

Ryan was the last one to actually say something. It was as if the very presence of Zack scared him for some reason. I didn't really like the fact that Zack hated Ryan but maybe once I get to know these people better, I'll understand.

The rest of the guys dispersed into the kitchen leaving me and Ryan again. Zack probably gave him verbal warnings about how fragile I was right now and that got him really anxious. It wasn't like one word was going to scare me off.

"You're, uh, really good at playing the piano," he said scratching the back of his head. If we were in a cartoon, his knees would probably be shaking right now and drops of sweat would have travelled down his face. I really didn't like that he was nervous around me now.

"What did he say to you?" I asked in a hushed tone so that if Zack was eavesdropping, he would only get to hear one side of the conversation.

"What do you mean?" he asked me.

I looked around me before taking his arm and dragging him near the front door which was away from all the other rooms in the entire house. "What did Zack say to you?" I asked him eagerly and he bit his lip.

"Nothing, he didn't say anything to me," he said in a rushed manner.

"Liar," I said rolling my eyes at him.

He breathed out heavily before saying anything else. "He just said to stay away from you because I would only screw you over or something like that,"

"Why would he say something like that?" I asked him and he sighed.

"Everyone in this house thinks of me as some kind of 'Smooth Operator' or whatever since I go out with so many girls. They think I just toss girls aside once I get them up into my room but they're all wrong. I don't sleep with most of the girls I go out with and the only reason why they call me back is because I don't break up with them," he told me.

"Why don't you break up with them? And why do you have to go out with so many girls? I mean isn't that too much to handle?" I asked raising one eyebrow.

"Well, the reason why I don't break up with them is because I'm afraid of hurting them. It's not like I go out with each girl I hang out with. Most of them are just friends, you know? And plus, I'm on a quest to find 'the one' for me. That is if that girl really exists," he said clearing his throat. "That must've sounded really lame and cheesy, huh?"

"Well it sorta was but it was also kinda sweet in a way," I said with a shrug. "Haven't you told the guys about that?" I asked him but he seemed sorta blank.

"Umm, do you think they'd actually take me seriously if I told them exactly what I just told you?" he asked and I just shrugged.

"It's worth a shot," I told him trying to shed a little optimism.

"Well, in my perspective, I think it would only end up being the worst thing I'd ever do," he said leaning on the wall that was behind him.

I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "How will they ever know that you're not actually the guy they claim you to be if you don't tell them the truth about how you treat girls?"

He stared at my hand on his shoulder and slowly reached for it with his hand and held it tightly. "It doesn't really matter,"

"Yes, it does," I said.

"Fine, if it matters so much to you, I'll do it but on one condition," he told me entwining my fingers with his.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"I want you to be with me," he said.

At this point I really didn't know what to say a part of me was dying to say yes but another part of me reminded me about what Zack had said about Ryan. But didn't Ryan just say that everything guys thought of him was a complete and utter lie? Who should I really believe now? A guy I just met or the guy I've known for so long?


	9. Chapter 9

"I'll have to think about it,"

Could I be more of a jerk? Who says that to a guy who's obviously falling for you? Okay, maybe he's not falling for me but he did sorta confirm that he wanted to be more than friends with me.

Ryan has this hopeful smile on. He's trying to hide his hurt by masquerading it with his charming smile but I knew that what I said was wrong. Before I could take it back and say something else, he's on his way to the kitchen where apparently, the rest of the guys were talking. It seemed like they were talking about something serious but gladly, Zack was in a lighter mood.

I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. After that, all the attention was on Ryan. I slid past him and grabbed a seat beside Zack and waited to see how this would turn out.

Ryan's all nervous at first but then he looks at me and starts his speech as if I'm the only one in the room.

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you," his eyes refocus on the group of guys in front of him. For a second there, I think I forgot to breathe.

"What's up?" Peter asked – curiosity evident on his facial expression.

"Well, I'm not really who you guys think I am," this time, he focuses on Zack, "when it comes to girls," he finishes and everyone starts snorting and rolling their eyes in disbelief.

"Please, we've all seen you go out with-"

"Let me finish," Ryan interjected cutting Jon off mid-sentence. He took a deep breath and then finished his explanation which I think turned out to be a pretty good one.

He told the guys about all the girls he's been hanging around with and explained to them that most of them were just friends while others were friends with benefits. The guys laughed at that but laughter aside, I think they actually believed Ryan. Zack on the other hand was pretty tense. From the look in his eyes, I think he knew exactly what was going on here. He didn't say anything about it though.

"So you're saying that you're not exactly a player?" James asked Ryan who just nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I guess," Ryan answered.

"And you're actually happy about this?" Nick asked and he rolled his eyes.

"Bottom line of this confession is that I don't like being called a player when in reality, I'm hardly doing anything that could be a factor of labelling someone a player." He seemed a bit annoyed but relieved at the same time that the guys didn't make fun of him or anything. I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. The guys didn't notice it but Zack did.

"I'm gonna go order pizza," Peter said heading to the living room where the phone was. James, Jon and Nick followed suit but Zack stayed in place. Ryan got the message and left both of us alone.

"So what do you think of him now?" I asked Zack who was now leaning against the backrest of his chair with his hands clasped behind his head.

"You don't seriously believe all that bullshit, do you? I mean friends and friends with benefits? Doesn't that sound-"

"Zack, he was being honest to you guys." I reminded him but he wouldn't hear it. He just rolled his eyes.

"I know where he's headed with this and I'm not liking what he's got planned," he said staring right at me. I don't know why his stare made me feel sorta nervous but it did.

"What do you mean?" I asked playing innocent but he sees right through me.

"You knew about this," he states as he shakes his head. "I'll bet you were the one told him to come out of the closet, huh?"

"Well it's not like I agreed to do anything yet," I muttered.

"Oh, so there's a catch?" he asks sarcastically as he shakes his head some more in disbelief. "You can't just go out with that guy under those circumstances," he said.

"And you are you to tell me who to and not to go out with?" I asked him as I raised an eyebrow but he just shrugs it off as if it didn't matter to him.

"I'm your friend – you're best friend. And I'm only trying to protect you," he said sounding really serious.

"Well, I can take care of myself," I said trying to hold it together. I am so close to bursting out right now but I wouldn't want to make up a bad impression. I mean I'm already known as the girl who tried to kill herself. I didn't want to add anything worse to that. But no one really knew I was suicidal here. Well, no one but Zack and Peter, that is.

"Yeah, and look where we are now," he said rolling his eyes. Sarcasm filled his tone and that got me so aggravated. I mean wasn't he supposed to support me? I mean isn't that what best friends are for – support?

"You know what, I might as well accept his offer. I mean what's the worse that could happen? It's worth a shot," I told him and he turned to look at me fully. His eyebrows furrowed.

"You already know what's going to happen if it doesn't work out," he told me and I just looked away and sighed.

"No, I don't," I said. "I wanna see if what he said was true,"

"Let him test his confession on some other girl. Don't make yourself trial number 1," he said.

"Do you seriously want to get into a fight right now? I mean it's only the first day," I said getting all sarcastic on him.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself in to," he said looking out the window.

"And apparently you do? How? Did you go out with him or something?" I asked him and that ticked him off.

"Why are you turning the tables and making me look like the bad guy? I'm the one who's trying to help you but you're just pushing me away," he said getting up suddenly creating a loud screeching noise as the legs of the chair scraped the tiled kitchen floor.

He walks away from the kitchen trying to get all his anger out but once he gets in the living room, he sees all the shocked and confused faces and that only makes him walk further until he reaches the door. Then, he gets into the car and drives off. I couldn't care less about what happens to him right now. He's just a selfish bastard who doesn't want me to experience any happiness. How much more of an asshole can he be?

"Are you okay?" Ryan asks leaning against the door's frame.

I nod slowly at him but he comes over and sits on Zack's place anyway. He puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a side hug. I feel a tad bit better but I don't know. Part of me still wished that Eric was the one holding me. Maybe Zack is right. Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship just yet.

"You didn't eavesdrop on the whole conversation, did you?" I asked him and he moves away just a couple of inches. I felt his eyes on me and I knew they had perplexity written all over them but I had to ask. I didn't want anyone overhearing what we were talking about.

"Nope," he said, "Why was there something I needed to hear?" his voice calms me even more making me want to just melt into his touch but I restrain myself from doing so. I might be mad at Zack and all but I still had to take things slow. If I rushed a relationship, it might not be what I think it'd turn out to be – which is somewhat similar to the concept of forever.

"No," I said simply as he pulls me into another hug.

"So…are you decided yet?" he asks me in a soft, comforting tone.

I don't answer him right away but my mind keeps screaming yes. I didn't get to hear what my heart had to say so I jumped right on it and told him I was ready. He smiles at me and waits for me to smile back before he goes in for a kiss. So much for taking it slow.


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the night seemed to go by fast. After Zack left, Ryan and I walked around his backyard just talking about life and what we're both all about. At first I wasn't sure exactly certain about what and what not to say but it all sorta just came out. I haven't told him everything that there was to know about me but he seemed contented. It was as if he knew where the line between what was okay and personal stood. He respected my privacy.

After what only felt like minutes but were really hours, Peter told me that it was time to go. I left with a promise to go and see Ryan tomorrow where we would be having our first official date. I agreed without hesitation and was left with a smile plastered on my face for the rest of the night.

"Well you seem happy," Peter said as soon as he hit the road.

I smirked. "I don't know. There's just something about him that leaves me smiling all the time and I'm not exactly sure what it is." I said looking out the window watching the streetlights flash by me.

Peter laughed and I turned my head slowly at him and raised an eyebrow. He stole a quick glance before he shook his head. "He can be pretty persuasive, huh?" No shit. He did not just say that.

"What do you mean?" I asked him wondering why I was the only one who really believed in Ryan.

"Seriously?" he asked and I just continued to stare at him. "What he said was complete and utter bullshit." He looked at me to see what my face looked like and then said, "No offense,"

"Oh come on, you're not giving him a chance either?" I asked him seriously but all of this seemed too amusing to Peter. He just kept laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

"A chance? Really?" he said laughing some more.

I sighed aloud as I looked out the window. "He's trying to show you guys that he's not what he says he is. Don't you get that?"

"Why do you have so much faith in that guy?" Peter asked taking a left turn.

"Why don't you?" I countered.

"Because I know him and I know that he's going through all this stuff just to get what he wants?" he stated.

I rolled my eyes but he couldn't really see me since I was staring outside the window. "But don't you think he can change?" I asked him and wished that he'd give me a serious answer but he just stayed quiet.

"I don't know," he said after a few seconds. "But then again, I've never seen him act like this. I mean he does things to get something he wants but nothing overrated like what he did in the kitchen." He told me and I looked at him. "I guess you're special,"

I blushed as I turned away. "Oh, before I forget, what's the deal with Zack and Ryan anyway?"

"You really don't want to get into that crap," he warned with a mischievous smirk.

"How would you know?" I asked him but he shook his head.

"Well it's pretty messy," he said as soon as he parked the car inside the garage.

"I'm sure I can handle it," I said and he looked at me after taking the keys out of the ignition.

"Well, there was this one time where Zack brought his girlfriend of about 3 weeks or so to this party Ryan threw at his house and Ryan just couldn't keep his hands off her and things just got ugly from there," he explained.

"Did they go at each other?" I asked.

"Verbally and physically," Peter answered as we both got out of the car.

The cold night breeze hit me as soon as I opened the car door. I shut it before walking around the car to head to the front door. Peter told me that Ryan and Zack haven't been on good terms ever since then and that Zack never really hung out with us when he had someone special with him because he didn't want a repeat of what transpired on the night of that party.

"So they've never settled that ever since?" I asked and Peter shook his head.

"How in the world can you get over something like that?" he asked rhetorically. "Besides, you and I both know that if you cross him once, you can never get back on his good side." I nodded in agreement as he used the keys to let both of us in.

Once we got inside, Peter went to his room and I went into mine. I changed into shorts and a tank top and brushed my teeth. I don't really know how I'll be able to sleep tonight with so many things running through my head but I might as well try.

Once I got out of the bathroom, I got on my bed and grabbed the bottle of lotion that I unpacked from my bag. I spread it all over my arms and legs and thought that it could distract my thoughts from thinking about the whole Zack and Ryan situation. I mean I think Ryan is really nice and I think being with him would be a good thing but I don't want to risk losing Zack while I try and have a relationship with Ryan. Why can't everyone just get along?

I checked the clock and realized that it was already 12:34 AM. I shut the lamp off and hid under the covers hoping to get some sleep but I only ended up rolling around. I was tired but I couldn't shut my brain off and let my mind rest. I sighed as I got up and went down the stairs. I never really got a chance to see what were in the rest of the rooms in this house so I guess now is the best time.

I started downstairs where the kitchen and the living room were found. The rest of the rooms held either bathrooms or closets. Behind another door was a pantry. There was a door by the stairs with a sign saying: 'Authorized Personnel Only'. I didn't really think it was a warning seeing that I lived in the house too so I opened the door and turned on the switch at the side. When the light flickered on, I faced a staircase leading to what I'm guessing is a basement. I went down the stairs and realized that it was getting sorta creepy but I watched too many horror movies to think that there might be any ghosts down there.

Once on the last step, I switched on another light and saw a grand piano on the left side of the room with chairs surrounding it. There were guitars and drums and a recording booth. Peter actually had a studio in his house? I wonder how he managed to find the money to pay for all of the equipment.

Looking around and seeing no one, I sauntered over to the piano and slid my fingers right on the keys immediately feeling all sentimental again. I really shouldn't keep myself away from music. It's practically the only thing keeping me alive right now. So once I got to sit on the chair, I started playing and pouring my heart and soul to the song that my fingers were making.

"_I'm searching for that missing part of me_

_That I know is right in your heart _

_And this feeling is creeping in my skin_

_It's eating me whole and taking you in…_

_Its taking you in, its taking me in _

_And time crashes like waves on me and it feels like…_

_I need you more, all of you, all of you_

_I need you to keep me in your arms _

_We'll lie in your bed and never forget _

_What has become of me,_

_What has become of you,_

_What has become of us..."_

Tears started flowing and all of a sudden, I felt arms wrap around me telling me that it was all gonna be okay. I wish I could believe Zack but somehow, I still couldn't.


	11. Chapter 11

After Zack caught me playing, I started crying really hard. It was as if all the anger and sadness I was keeping inside was beginning to creep away from my body through the tears that were falling from my eyes. But after crying endlessly and not caring about whether or not Zack was getting annoyed, I fell asleep – in his arms.

I know it may seem cliché and everything but all I see in Zack right now is a big brother who's supposed to take care of me, watch over me and cheer me up when I cried. I couldn't see him as someone who could be more than a best friend to me and right now, it was fine because I had someone waiting out there who wanted me and asked me to be his.

I still don't know why I agreed to Ryan though. I mean maybe at the time, I was more or less blinded thinking that I could handle another relationship even when the one person I thought would love me forever passed away a week or two ago. Why am I suddenly rushing things? I mean I have my whole life to live and living in a fast-forwarded life is hardly living and I don't want that for me.

Being with Eric was somewhat like that. He seemed to be rushing everything instead of taking his time to figure things out with me and somehow, I just went along with it. I told myself that I'd see past the imperfections but was that all he was – an imperfection?

Maybe Zack was right. Maybe he disliked Eric because he was hardly likable. Maybe Eric and I were never meant for each other and his death – as bad as it may really seem – could be a sign that maybe my journey to find my one and only is still on-going.

The sunlight seeped through the window and kept me from staying asleep. So I rolled around on the bed but once I moved over to the right, my head hit something hard.

"Why are you still here?" I asked Zack as soon as I opened my eyes that were stinging badly.

"Good morning to you too," Zack said humorously as he groaned and rolled over to the other side.

I smiled as I sat up and stretched my arms over my head. The room seemed silent and I didn't hear any noise coming from the first storey of the house. I looked at the clock on the side table to check the time. It was currently 7:39 in the morning. Why was I up so early?

"Aren't you going for a run?" I asked Zack hitting him with a pillow so that I'd catch his attention.

"Later," he said hiding himself under his pillow.

"Okay then," I said getting off of the bed. I went inside my bathroom to fix myself up for the day even though I didn't really know what was in store for me.

I shed my clothes off and I turned the shower on to start my bath. I felt like I needed one for some reason. Or maybe I just wanted to have one so that I'd pass the time. After about 30 minutes of shampooing and scrubbing, I shut the water off and wrapped myself in a towel. That was when I realized I hadn't actually brought my clothes in with me. That's just great. Now I have to get it from my closet inside my room while I try my best to make sure that Zack doesn't wake up and see me half naked.

I brushed my teeth and fixed my towel and held it where the ends met so that it wouldn't fall. I took a deep breath before I walked outside the door. I crept into the room as I made my way over to the closet watching Zack every now and then to see if I woke him up or if he was secretly watching me. So far, he hasn't moved and his head is still under the pillow he was using.

I was right in front of my closet when someone knocked on my door. I mentally cursed at myself but before I could utter a word, the door opened and Zack's head perked up and out of the pillow. I turned to see two boys in awe. One of them was Zack and the other – to my surprise – was Ryan.

"What I think happened isn't why he's here, right?" Ryan asked me as he came over and came too close for comfort.

I felt blood rush to my cheeks as soon as I saw Ryan's eyes scanning me from head to toe stopping in parts ordinary boys were known to stop at. Zack cleared his throat to capture both our attentions. He didn't seem happy anymore. He seemed angry, frustrated and irritated all at the same time.

"Um, can we, uh, talk later?" I stumbled over my words as I tried to get him away from Zack.

"Sure," was all he said and he was out of the room.

I grabbed everything else that I needed in one quick motion and then I headed to the bathroom where I started to inhale and exhale heavily. I bit my lip as I put some clothes on. I was afraid to get out of the bathroom but I had to get out one way or another so I slowly twisted the door knob and got out of the room only to come out to an empty bed and door left wide open.

I still didn't hear anything from the first level of the house so I guess Zack and Ryan were in two separate places. But I didn't hold my breath there. Once I brushed my hair and sprayed perfume all over me, I went down and was about to head to the kitchen when I noticed that the front door was left open and Zack and Ryan were going at it on the front lawn.

Zack's fist connected to Ryan's jaw and no one was doing anything about it. I ran outside as fast as I could and tried to stop them from killing each other but when I stepped foot on the lawn, Ryan tumbled Zack over so that he was on top of him and he was about to start pounding on Zack but I tried to hold him back. He pushed me back so hard that my head hit something hard. It might've been a rock but I wasn't sure. Everything went black and my senses soon faded away. The last thing I heard was someone calling my name and then, I was cut out from reality.


	12. Chapter 12

I felt nothing more as soon as I blacked out. The next thing I remembered was faintly seeing Zack hovering over me telling me to hold on. I didn't know what to tell him and I clearly didn't have the strength to think of anything because soon after I blinked, I was out again.

It felt like only a few seconds passed before my eyes opened up again and when they did, everything was so bright that I had to shut then again but the only difference is that this time, I didn't fall into another deep sleep. Instead, a wave of pain and nausea rushed through my body system.

I opened my eyes again and looked for something to puke in but there was another problem; my legs wouldn't move from the bed. I was practically stuck there feeling all nauseated when suddenly a nurse came in. I grabbed the basin she was holding - weird coincidence, much? - and spilled all the bile that was continually climbing up my esophagus.

The nurse wasn't pleased with what I did and so she grabbed the basin from me and gave me a bottle of water and then walked out muttering words I couldn't really hear.

After feeling fully relieved, I tried desperately to move my feet but somehow, I just couldn't. Was I paralyzed? I was about to call for a doctor when suddenly, someone knocked on the glass door that was separating me from the rest of the patients in this hospital.

To my surprise, it wasn't a doctor or a nurse. It was Zack. He rushed to my side and asked me how I was. But I wasn't really in the mood to answer questions right now.

"Why did you do it?" I asked him.

He looked sorta stunned as if he was confused or something. "I didn't push you, Mia," he said.

"I don't mean that, Zack. I remember what happened. What I want to know is why you tried to beat the shit out of Ryan when you knew for a fact that you'd be able to do that in a split second," I was getting angrier with every second and my head was heating up. It was as if I was this thermometer was ready to break due to the extreme heat that was placed on me.

"Mia, I already told you that he was bad news. What more don't you understand?" he retorted.

"Are you sure you want to ask me that, right now?" I asked sarcastically but all he did was stare deeply into my eyes.

He waited for some kind of answer which in my opinion was hard to elaborate because honestly, there were dozens of things that I really couldn't comprehend but he couldn't really care less since he wasn't willing to understand either. So, instead if actually thinking of something to counter him, I just apologized. I know it's sorta lame of me to do so but I really did not like fighting with him no matter what the cost. Besides, if I remember correctly, before everything happened, I was planning to talk to Ryan about the whole situation and how I thought it was a big mistake. So I guess you can kinda say that fate was getting a head start here but either way, what Zack did was still wrong no matter how much he fabricates it.

"Where is Ryan anyway?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes.

"Why are you still asking about him?" he asked angrily. I guess I wasn't the only one heated up.

"Why is it such a problem to you?" I countered. "I mean can't I ask about him?"

"When you're talking to me, no," he said.

"What is wrong with you? What kind of grudge are you really holding here?" I asked but as soon as I finished asking, my head started spinning.

"You wanna know why I'm so mad at him? Do you really want to know?" he asked aggressively.

"Well, I think I already do but-"

"What do you mean?" he asked inquisitively and suddenly I felt uneasy being under this spotlight.

"Well, Peter told me about how he sorta stole your girl at this party he threw," I said in a low voice hoping that this wouldn't make him burst into flames.

"Do you know how many times that happened?" he asked in a harsh tone.

"You mean it happened more than once?" I asked surprised as to how much of a jerk Ryan really was. But was I right to judge him because of what Zack and Peter told me? Didn't Peter say that he was different when he was with me?

"Do I have to answer that?" I was getting annoyed with his tone and how he was replying to me and I swear if I wasn't hooked on to an IV in a hospital, I would've stormed out ten minutes ago.

"Zack, can you please just give me a straight answer for once? I mean I know you're angry but can you please not pour it out on me right now because I'm really not in the mood to deal with this attitude you're putting on," I told him frankly and he drew back a little but regained composure almost immediately.

"Sorry, it's just that…" he said hesitantly.

"Just what?" I asked.

"He didn't really try to apologize or do anything once he saw you on the floor with your head bleeding. He just cowered away like a kid who did something wrong but didn't want anyone to know or find out about it," he explained. "He didn't call for an ambulance or help me bring you here. He just ran away like a fool,"

I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or if he was making Ryan look bad. I mean I know I should really trust Zack but that hardly sounded like something Ryan would do. Could it be that he was exaggerating a little?

I pushed past the topic and told him I didn't want to talk about that anymore. I had to see it to believe it right so if I didn't really see it, I was supposed to hear both sides of the story so it would be fair. But I can't really trust Ryan now, can I? I mean I hardly know the guy.

Zack had to leave after a few hours of apologizing to each other and talking about other things. He told me that he had to meet with his band and that he'd introduce me to them as soon as I get checked out which was later today. The doctors had a few more tests to run and they told me that after, I could pack up and go home if they don't find something else that needs fixing in me.

I was about to fall asleep after watching TV when suddenly the sliding doors opened a bit. It was Ryan this time and there was a bouquet of flowers in his arms. But for some reason, I wasn't amused or pleased.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with authority and his smile slowly dropped into a straight face.

"Look before you blame me for-"

"I thought you didn't care. You just ran away like nothing bad happened to me. You just left me there helpless and ready to die. If Zack wasn't there, maybe I wouldn't even be alive anymore," I said furiously.

"Did you hit your head too hard? Where the hell did you get that information?" he asked with the most clueless face in the world. It almost looked innocent.

"Zack told me what happened after you pushed me," I told him.

He sighed and placed the bouquet in a vase that he filled with water. "Mia, I'm not the kind of person who'd run away from something I did especially when it's in the midst of life and death. Zack might have twisted the story a few times so here's what really happened," he started, "When I accidentally pushed you too hard to the side to keep you safe, I looked to the side and put my jaw out in the open. That's when Zack connected his fist to my face and knocked me out. I don't know how long I was unconscious on the ground but when I woke up, you were gone and so was he. I rushed to the hospital you were in as soon as I got the information and waited in the ward while you were in the emergency room. I stayed until morning and told the nurse to tell you that if you were awake that I would be out for coffee and on the way, I passed by a flower shop – I didn't think it'd take that long to pick flowers but at least I got some – and then I came back here."

I was stunned and confused. I really didn't know who to believe anymore. I'm practically looking at two roads in an intersection without knowing which way to go. Why does life have to be so hard? I mean why can't everyone just get along for once? Would it hurt to tell the truth and not twist it?

"I'm sorry Ryan," I told him.

"It's okay-"

"No, I mean I'm sorry about agreeing to be your girlfriend. I meant to talk to you before everything happened but I couldn't," I said looking out the window afraid to see what kind of expression he might be showing.

"You're breaking up with me because of this?" he seemed sorta ticked but it was normal I guess seeing that everything was so complicated and I wasn't trying to get through it.

"No, I'm saying that agreeing to be your girlfriend was a mistake because I wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for anything practically and I rushed myself into thinking that I could move on by being with you and I know it's wrong and I probably never should've agreed to our deal and-" I rambled on and on repeating the same things until he shushed me.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry too," he said as he got up and left.

Well isn't that what I sorta wanted? I guess it was but it didn't really happen the right way. I can't please everyone so I guess I'll just have to wait and see how this turns out.


	13. Chapter 13

A week after I checked out of the hospital, I found myself sitting on the sand in the beach watching the waves crash on the shore. It all felt so serene and calm but I was far from feeling like that. This past week, I found myself feeling really down about everything. I kept thinking about Eric and what I did to try and join him. I still didn't think it was stupid to try it again but I knew that if I did try it again and things don't go my way again, Zack would end up hating me forever. He'd probably kick me out too and then I'd have nowhere else to go. If I end up going back home, my mother surely wouldn't hesitate to put me in an asylum. But maybe that's where I belong. Somewhere locked up and never having to face anyone else who would give a fuck about me. Well there would probably nurses and doctors but that's not the kind of care I meant.

I don't even know why I can't just move on and see past all the negative occurrences in my life. I mean don't we develop from them? I thought the bad things in life would teach me lessons that I was too blind to see but I don't see anything different.

Zack told me that his friends bailed on him on the last minute because they had something to do. He didn't really elaborate since he had other things to do as well. So aside from being down this past week, I've felt even more alone.

Ryan was still neglecting me and I wouldn't really blame him. I mean I blew him off and it hit him hard in the head (Ha-ha that sounded ironic). I just didn't think it would take this long for him to get over it. Maybe what Peter said was true. Maybe I was special. But I can't really think about that right now since thinking about it would make me feel even guiltier about what I did and that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

I was just about to get up and head back to the house when I saw this familiar figure staring back at me. At first I thought it was nothing but it was slowly starting towards me. For some reason, I was nervous. The other half of me was dead scared though. My head screamed 'RUN!' but I didn't feel like listening to it.

The closer it came the more visible his face became. The bone structure, the way his hair was styled – it couldn't be. I mean he's long gone. I started to back away as soon as my senses kicked in but the sand was starting to trap me from underneath. I looked down just to see that I was standing in a trap – quicksand was eating me up. I tried to scream but my voice wasn't coming out. My heart was hammering so hard that I thought it would pop right out of my chest.

The boy came closer and closer but when he was right in front of me, he was merely a shadowy figure. My heart started to calm down. Eric's face was filled with so much softness that I thought that he was coming in to save me but instead his smile turned from being sweet to mischievous.

"I thought you said you loved me," he started to say.

"I do." I found my voice and was fighting to stay still but my brain kept my body moving. "You were the one who left me."

I didn't mean to sound bitter but it couldn't be helped. He told me he'd live forever for me. I knew I shouldn't have believed him when he said knowing about his condition and all but love can make you do stupid things.

"If you loved me, you would've come after me," he said watching me as if I was the most dreadful person in this earth.

"Baby, I tried but someone stopped me," I said realizing that I did have something to live for; that other people really did care.

"So? Was that supposed to be an excuse?" he said through gritted teeth.

For some unwanted reason, I spark of hate ignited in me. Does he seriously expect me to sacrifice my life for him, because that would be overrated and absurd. He wasn't like this while he was alive. Did he maybe take a trip to hell and acquired all the influences Satan and his demons claimed to have?

I slowly realized that my shock stopped me from moving and I was stuck in place. I wasn't getting sucked down anymore. He was waiting for me to respond to him but I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to get hurt so I thought about what I had to say.

"I thought I loved you Eric and at the time it was true but I can't say that you were perfect-"

"You think you didn't have flaws?" he smirked as he cut me off mid-explanation. "We all have flaws Mia and sadly your very being is one big, fat one."

"You don't mean that," I started to tear up and he started to laugh.

"You really think I loved you? If you'd given yourself up to me instead of saying things like wanting to wait, I would've left you a long time ago. But since you really didn't give in to me, I had to tail you until you did. Even with my condition, you didn't make an exception. You know how hard I tried to get you to sleep with me? You rejected me multiple times and each time, I took the blow because I knew you'd be worth it but now, I regret doing so because you're hardly worth anything at all," he laughed. It was the same kind of laugh when he pressured me to do all those things that I really didn't want to do.

He started to come nearer and he stretched out his hand. I was about to grab it when all of a sudden he started to push me down the quicksand which made me fidget and that wasn't good in my position. I was slowly starting to sink in while he laughed like my suffering was the funniest thing he's ever seen. I tried to stay alive by screaming or pinching myself but I didn't hear or feel anything. It was as if my senses were numbing. But as soon as I thought I was a goner, I heard someone shouting my name. I wanted to swim up to see who that person was but I couldn't move.

All of a sudden it started to rain and I was starting to black out. I thought that maybe this was it but when I blinked one last time, I jolted back to life – to reality this time.

Zack sighed in relief as soon as he saw my eyes twitch.

"You scared the shit out of me," he said holding me close.

Apparently, we were in the shower. He always told me that water woke people up from bad dreams and ever since we were little, we would wake each other up by pouring a glass of water over each other's head if we really didn't want to get up. I guess a glass wasn't enough for me to regain consciousness.

I started to remember everything that happened in the dream and started to tear up. I don't think it was clear though since the shower was on. But he knew me too well. As soon as he looked in my eyes, he wiped the tears – and water from the shower – away.

"What happened?" he asked as soon as we were both dry and safe in my room.

"Eric," was the only thing I had to say.

He sighed and sat right next to me and placed a hand on the small of my back. I checked the clock to see that it was four in the morning. My head ached but I wasn't in the mood to sleep.

"You should really go back to sleep," I suggested but he only smirked and made me lie on my own bed.

"And leave you alone after what happened? I'd rather keep watch," he said.

"What happened anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Well, for one you were screaming and shouting and talking in murmurs. I waited for you to wake up but then you started to go all wild and then that's when I tried to jump in and wake you up only your eyes wouldn't happen and you were pushing me away. So I poured a glass of water on you but that only made things worse. I ended up bringing you to the bathroom where you woke up eventually." What an adventure.

"Are you serious?" I asked embarrassed.

"Yeah, I was scared you were never gonna wake up after you stopped moving in the shower but you still had a pulse so I had hope," he said grabbing my hand and grasping it tightly.

"Thanks then, I guess,"

"You still have to tell me what happened though," he said lying next to me.

I started to tear up again hoping that I wouldn't have to explain since it was pretty painful even if it wasn't real. I thought I'd lose all the memories but they kept flooding back inside my head.

"He told me so many things that I thought he'd never be able to say to me," I started.

He listened intently to what I said and the whole time, he watched me closely as if in any second, I was going to run away or explode. After I spoke, he crashed into him and cried. I didn't know why I did but I just couldn't take it all in.

"He's not coming back, Mia," Zack said after silence filled the air. "He'll never hurt you again,"

"You don't know that," I told him. I pulled away to see his reaction but when I did, he crashed his lips into mine and kissed me.

"I do know that because I'll be here to protect you and all that you'll be dreaming about is this kiss and how we'll spend our time with each other,"

I looked at him and without knowing it, a smile crept on my face as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back.


	14. Chapter 14

[ZACK'S POV]

For a few months now, I've tried to get Mia's attention. I mean sure, she's my best friend and when I'd call her, she'd give me a portion of her time. It wasn't that hard to capture that kind of attention but it wasn't the one I was yearning for.

When I saw her that day I came back after I heard about what happened to that guy she thought she loved, I knew that something had changed.

At first, I was clueless. I had no idea what it was that was different because everything still felt the same. But she looked so vulnerable and fragile and that got me worried and protective and it wasn't that protectiveness I was already feeling. I felt protective but not in a brotherly way like I'm used to but in that more than friends kind of way.

I was scared for a while but when I let the feeling take over me, the situation started to be a lot easier. The weight on my shoulders felt lighter. Everything was going alright but then Ryan had to barge in and ruin everything. I got angry and senseless and she and I grew apart once again. Luckily though that thing she had with Ryan was just a phase.

Last night, I got the chance to fill up that gap that set us apart and it went well surprisingly. I kissed her and she didn't push me away like I expected her to.

I thought about how her lips felt against mine - all smooth and soft - as I walked up the porch. I went on my usual morning jog and I think I went farther than I did yesterday.

"Good morning," I heard Peter greet smugly as I walked to the kitchen.

Mia wad sitting on a stool by the island as she ate her morning cereal. Her head perked up as soon as she heard the greeting and then our eyes connected. I smiled at her as she looked back at her cereal blushing.

"Morning," I greeted Peter suddenly out of breath. God, I swear feeling like this makes me all cheesy.

I went over to the refrigerator a little quicker than usual. I was trying to hide the awkwardness I was feeling. Peter just laughed before exiting the room leaving the two of us alone.

Once we were alone, I asked, "So how was the rest of your sleep?"

"Better," she said swallowing her cereal before taking a sip from her glass that was filled with orange juice.

"No more bad dreams?" I asked taking the seat beside her which got her a little startled.

"Um, no." She seemed really careful like she was walking on eggshells. What was she so afraid of?

"Are you alright?" I asked her placing a hand on her free arm. She almost jerked her arm away but her self-control kept her from doing so.

"Yeah, I'm totally fine," she lied getting up and placing her bowl in the sink. She turned the faucet on and let the water rinse the milk that was left on the bowl.

What did I do now? What could possibly have happened in the last six hours or so that changed her mind about me? But more importantly, should I do something about it?

I can't believe she's lying right in my face. Doesn't she know that I can see right through her? I mean after all these years can't she tell that lying to me is like holding her breath under the water for a whole day?

[MIA'S POV]

Last night, when Zack left, I cried even more. I thought about what I was doing and thought about one word to describe it all: wrong. I mean sure, I thought about him more than I was supposed to this past few week but am I really supposed to jump into this without thinking a few steps ahead? What am I supposed to do if it turned out all wrong? Is Zack going to be my best friend if something doesn't go right?

Before Zack came in this morning, Peter talked to me. I told him about what happened last night since apparently I was louder than I thought. He said he saw Zack holding me tightly in his arms. He wanted to jump in but he didn't want to ruin the scene that he said was bound to unfold so instead, he just went to bed.

"So what happened after that?" he asked leaning on the counter right across me.

"Okay, I'm not gonna prolong your agony," I told him as he straightened up and lifted an eyebrow. "We kissed last night,"

And just like that, Zack came in the kitchen and Peter greeted him. A few seconds later, Zack took the seat beside me and then we started conversating.

I felt scared and anxious as he spoke to me. It was as if he was this stranger who randomly came up to me and started talking.

"What did I do now?" he asked as I rinsed the bowl I used to eat my cereal.

"Um, it's not you," I said grabbing the soap but then I heard Zack get up and I got even more scared.

"Hey, you can tell me what's wrong, you know," he said twisting me around and cupping my face in his hands.

"I don't want to hurt you, Zack," I started but he just looked perplexed.

"You could never hurt me," he assured me as he turned the faucet off. He rubbed his thumb smoothly on my cheek comfortingly as he tried to look me in the eye.

"You don't know that," I told him placing my hands on his wrists trying to pry them off of my face but they wouldn't budge.

"Yes, I do," he said smiling to the side, "I've known you for so long and I know what you're capable of and none of which are capable of hurting me. I'm indestructible, remember?"

I had to laugh at that. If only he reassured me like this while I was with Eric, we wouldn't have grown apart.

"I don't know-"

"Say no more," Zack said getting even closer. "I love you, Mia and nothing will ever change that."

Those words were thrown around so much before between us two but when he spoke the words, they seemed so different that it was obvious that he didn't mean it as just a brother.

"I love you too," I said trying to smile without breaking but I couldn't. Luckily, he didn't seem to care.

He closed the gap between us once more as I let the butterflies eat me whole. I just hoped I was doing the right thing. I don't need another mistake that would most likely separate us. I didn't need that mistake.


	15. Chapter 15

We spent the rest of the day on the beach where Zack tried to teach me how to surf. I fell repeatedly at first since I really can't balance my body at all but after a few more wipe-outs, I sort of got the hang of it. It was pretty fun to be honest. I mean swimming is always fun but I was always scared of surfing. One reason was because I've seen a lot of movies where surfers drowned in waves or hit their heads on rocks and got a concussion. I might have tried to kill myself but I still fear death. I don't want to have to lose everything I have now for fear that in the next life, the world might turn against me completely. I'm not saying that the world is actually answering to my every command but I have enough to be grateful for. At least that's how I feel right now.

I swam back to shore and grabbed the towel I left on the lounge chair before diving into the water. Luckily the day wasn't super hot. I checked my skin and saw that I got a little tanner but not to the point where I thought it looked hideous. It looked sorta nice, really. I mean it definitely toned my really pale skin.

While I wiped myself dry and wrapped myself around my towel, I felt my stomach grumble. Apparently, surfing for a long period of time can really work out an appetite. I was just about to turn and look if Zack was still in the shore when he swept me off the ground and whirled me around.

"Zack! You're getting me all wet again," I complained as he sat me down on the lounge chair.

"That's good," he laughed as he kissed me on the lips.

I smirked as I kissed back. I placed my hands on his neck and held on to the hair on the back of his head. I loved how his lips tasted like the sea and the ice cream we got right before we came down to the beach. It was salty and sweet at the same time.

I pulled away after a few seconds as I felt my tummy grumble. Zack must've heard it as well because he let out a small chuckle.

"Looks like your stomach needs some fuel," he said moving down to my collar bone to plant small kisses on it.

"Why don't you fill me up?" I said cupping my hands on his face and bringing it up to my lips where I planted a kiss on his cheek.

I smiled as I got up of my seat and placed my shorts on. He couldn't seem to get his hands off me and I wasn't complaining at all.

"You look better without those shorts on," he whispered into my ear as his hands slipped down to my waist.

"Zack, I'm really hungry. I swear I'm going to rip your head off if you don't give me some food," I joked.

Zack rolled his eyes before putting a shirt over his rock-hard abs. I sighed softly as I bit my lip. Yes, I was drooling but at least I was allowed to without looking weird or slutty. He was mine and nothing was ever going to change that.

We made our way to a burger shack by the north end of the beach. There weren't a lot of people today so we got our orders in a matter of minutes. I got a double cheeseburger, curly fries and a large cup of rootbeer. Zack got the same thing but he had onion rings instead of curly fries. While I ate, he kept staring at me stuff food into my mouth. I raised an eyebrow at him but he only chuckled as I did so.

"Okay, let me guess," I said after swallowing the delicious chunk of burger that I had bitten, "you're surprised that I could eat this much."

"Well, yeah," he affirmed. "I haven't seen you eat this much…ever."

I rolled my eyes as I sipped my rootbeer. I grabbed a curly fry and brought it to my mouth as he took a bite out of his burger. This moment seemed like a movie scene. The typical cliché where everything's so right that you wouldn't think something bad would occur. So far, there are no surprises but I guess I can't say that there won't be. I just hope it's not something that can send this day out the window before it ends.

The rest of the meal went on with a little more small talk and a trip down memory lane where he and I were inseparable. Those days were like our glory days. Nothing ever went wrong where we were by each others' sides. We protected each other as if we were protecting ourselves and nothing ever got in between us. The only thing that separated us was Eric and now that he's no longer with us, the rest of the world fell right back into place and started spinning right again.

"Don't you ever think about what could've happened if you never auditioned to be in a band?" I asked as soon as we started walking along the shore. Day was slowly passing and the afternoon sun started slipping further down.

"Well, maybe I would've considered college," he said taking my hand as we let the water touch our feet.

"What would you have taken up?"

"Photography, most probably," he said looking at the horizon right in front of us.

"Seriously? You wouldn't pursue music?" I asked as I grabbed a seashell from the sand.

"I don't know," he said looking back at me. "I'd do anything to be with you, that's for sure."

"Liar," I said with a laugh as I rinsed the shell with water.

"Why don't you believe me?" he asked almost instantly. Fortunately, his tone didn't change. He wasn't mad or offended by what I said and that was good.

"Because you were too busy looking at every other girl and gushing about most, if not, all of them every time you came to my house," I said sitting on the sand trying to remember what it felt like whenever he talked about this really pretty girl and how that made me feel.

"Well if it was bothering you that much, you should've said something."

"Maybe in another life," I said shovelling the sand with my shell.

"It's not like you haven't lied about anything," he said getting down right next to me in the sand.

"How would you know that?"

"Everyone's a liar in my book," he said looking me in the eye.

"I won't say I haven't lied about anything because I've had moments where I had to shed a white lie," I told him as I leaned back on the sand not caring if I got sand in my hair because I was bound to take a bath later anyway.

"But you'd tell the truth when I ask you to, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I would."

I sucked in a breath and breathed in the salty air of the beach. I don't know why but I sorta like the feeling of the sand underneath me. The grains graced my body in such a comforting way that I didn't want to get up. Zack turned and face me. He sat crossed leg in front of me as he stroked my hair and slid his hand down my cheek.

"Then tell me truthfully," he started to say, "Do you love me?"

"Okay now that was corny," I said bursting into fits of laughter.

Zack grabbed the advantage to get on top of me to tickle my sides. I laughed to the point where I couldn't breathe anymore. My lungs were burning and I was begging him to stop. Zack followed after a while but he threatened to do that again if I ever lied to him about anything.

"But I didn't even lie about anything," I complained as I got up from the sand. Suddenly, the sand wasn't that comfortable anymore.

"I just wanted to show you the kind of power I'd bomb you with when you cross the line," he said and I just shook my head.

Were we going to be like this forever because right now, forever is the only thing I'm looking forward to. I never want to lose the feeling I'm feeling for him right now and I hope his feelings for me won't change either.

But just when I was about to connect our lips, Ryan blurred right past me and grabbed Zack's shirt and brought him to his feet and punched him hard in the face.

Okay now I can tell this is real life.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ryan! Why the fuck did you do that?" I exclaimed as I got up and pushed him hard in the chest.

"I'm trying to show you that that guy over there is nothing but an asshole who just can't seem to keep his penis in his pants," he said furiously.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I muttered.

I turned to look at Zack who was holding his face up. Fortunately, he didn't lose any blood but he wasn't letting that go. Knowing Zack, he'd strike back and never give up until the guy's tortured enough for his liking.

I clenched my teeth together as I watched the tension rise. But before I could say anything to stop the argument, Ryan broke the ice, "I bet _he_ didn't tell you everything," he started to say. I looked at Ryan intently before looking back at Zack who looked too angry to say anything. He had this look on his face that almost threatened Ryan.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked stepping closer to them so none of them would strike at each other. I knew that with me in the middle, they wouldn't dare fight. I just came from the hospital about a week ago and I don't think they'd want a repeat of that.

"This guy over here isn't who you think he is. He's the very definition of a manwhore. You should ask him how many girls he's dating right now. Oh, wait he might lie and tell you that it's just you but truthfully, he's going out with hundreds of them. Even the one I recently hooked up with," Ryan mentioned making me turn my head to Zack who was just about ready to get his hands dirty.

"Believe me when I say that there's just you in my life right now," Zack said reverting his attention for me and shifting it back to Ryan in a split second.

"Tsk, right now?" Ryan smirked. "What poor choice of words, Merrick."

"Zack, are there other girls?" I finally asked as I stood right in between them.

Zack looked down at me and softened his expression a little before nodding. "But that was weeks ago," he tried to explain but I was so far from wanting to hear any of it.

Satisfied with what unfolded, Ryan turned away and left us without another word. I could tell that he was smiling the whole walk back to where he was supposed to be in the first place.

I watched as Zack turned away from me. He clasped his fingers at the back of his head and broke them apart in anger. Tears were streaming down my face. I can't believe he – of all people – would do this to me. This was low. Even for him.

"Zack, I thought you love me," I said wiping my face.

When he didn't answer directly, I spun on my heel and started to run away. I wasn't able to get that far though. He grabbed my wrist and spun me back towards him. He placed his arms around me and locked me down but I kept pushing him away. I didn't want to be near him. I didn't want to breathe the same air. I didn't want his skin touching mine. Everything about him was a lie. I couldn't even breathe anymore. His grip on me was slowly suffocating me.

I kept sobbing and sobbing until finally I calmed down. He always did that when I cried and back then, I used to think it was a pretty sweet gesture but now, nothing disgusted me more. I felt sick to my stomach and I wanted this world to just disappear. I wanted to wake up in a place where all I was ever going to be was happy. I didn't want this life. There are only so many travesties I can handle.

"Please let me explain," he said pulling apart a few inches. He still had a hold on my hand so I couldn't run away and face my problem.

"What is there to explain Zack? What Ryan said pretty much summed it all up," I said frustratedly as I tried to take my hand back.

"Look, before you and I were even together-"

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that I shouldn't be mad because that was all before we were 'together'?" I complained in such disbelief. My impatience was getting to him but he really couldn't do anything about it.

"Tell me Zack, why did you bring me here? Did you bring me here to hurt me even more? Show me your wonderful lifestyle of how you can date anything that has boobs and a vagina? How you can make girls fall in love with you and break them apart in the end? Is that really why I'm here? Because as of this moment, I'm slowly starting to regret not hanging myself when I had the chance to."

"Don't you dare say that," he said through clenched teeth. My words got to him in a bad way. He was angry now. I didn't know what he was capable of anymore but hopefully it will be enough to take me out of this planet for good.

"Or what, huh? You'll dump me? Break my heart and shove it down my throat? Tell my mother and ship me back to where she is? You can't do anything more to hurt me because I'm already bleeding inside out," I told him as more tears sprung from my eye lids.

Zack was silent. He didn't have anything more to say and I was glad that I had the last word. I didn't feel guilty at all for everything that I said to him. He deserved each vile word that came out of my mouth. He let go of my wrist with this really pained look on his face.

"Look, all I wanted to say was that no other girl ever made me feel the way you did. No one ever gave me the kind of love affection that I got from you and once you came back into my life, everything just stopped. It made me realize that fooling around with all those other girls wasted so much of my time. I didn't need that temporary pleasure that those actions provided me with. I needed the permanent happiness that I have with you," he said grabbing my hand which I took away quickly.

"You don't get to do that, Zack. You can't just turn the tables and make me the guilty culprit. I'm not the one who did something wrong here. It was you!" I exclaimed as I tried to walk away but he grabbed me by the waist and engulfed my body in his arms.

"I know what I did was wrong and stupid but we're here now," he said spinning me around. His hold on me loosened as he placed his hands on my sides. He lifted my chin up so I could face him and said, "Let's just forget this all happened and start the day over where we were both happy."

I tried to think of an answer but thinking did no good. The answer was crystal clear in my head and it consisted of only one word.

"No,"

I ran away from him as fast as I could to an unknown direction. I never wanted to see him again.


	17. Chapter 17

{ZACK'S POV}

I watched her run away, knowing that she'd come back home a little later. I won't say that I wasn't upset though because I really was. I mean I never thought that it'd come boiling down to this. I swear if Ryan hadn't barged in and ruined everything, this day would probably be the best day of my life but I guess not everything turns out the way it should be.

I just stood there for a few more minutes before I noticed that this girl was eye-balling me this whole time. She smiled as my eyes landed on her but I didn't even return it. I was too pissed to start flirting with some slut who can't stop staring at me. I don't mean to sound cocky, I'm just stating what's real. I mean I can't deny that I love how my body looks but sometimes I just find it annoying that other people look at me like I'm some piece of meat.

I walked back to our spot and gathered our belongings. I wanted to head back into the water but once I reached for my surf board, my phone started buzzing.

"Hello?" I answered as I accepted the call without looking at the ID.

"Zachary!" Jack replied in a sing-song voice, "We're at the airport right now and we'll be crashing your place in a minute! Hope you don't mind four more bodies at your place."

I literally cursed at myself for forgetting that they were actually arriving from Maryland to record a few songs today. How was I supposed to fix things with Mia when they're terrorizing the only place I called private? I mean I didn't really have a problem with them staying at my place but I just wished that they'd arrived at a later time when all of this shit wasn't present anymore.

I told Jack that I'd meet them at home and we both hung up.

Once I placed all our belongings back in my car, I got in and started the engine. I wondered where Mia was at the moment, if she was fine or not, but I guess if space is what she wanted then that was what she was having. I couldn't deny her of that kind of thing even if I wanted to.

I sighed as I drove back home. I had to clean up a bit to make sure that this dump was actually liveable. I picked up some dirty laundry from the living room and placed them all in the washing machine, not caring if the piece of clothing was actually clean already. I was about to throw the trash out when Peter came in the kitchen.

"I didn't know you were home," I told him sullenly as I picked the garbage bag from the trash compactor.

"What happened today?" In no way was he in a light mood. He looked like he was about ready to beat me up to death.

"Is she home?" I asked, surprised that even came home. I thought when she ran away, she'd head to someplace she knows she won't run into me.

"She wouldn't have if I hadn't seen her at a bar trying to down as many shots as possible," he said in deep frustration. "Don't you know who you're dealing with here? Do you not understand the state that she's in?"

"Don't go lecturing me about these things! The only person you should blame for her depression is Ryan because he messed everything up."

"Really, Zack? Because from what I heard, Ryan only helped her see what you were really all about. You can't put this all on him," he said crossing his arms as he leaned on the door frame that divided the kitchen and the living room.

I was about to say something to defend myself but my tongue had to hold it together since the doorbell rang.

"And who might that be?" Peter asked raising an eyebrow.

"The guys," I said and he shook his head as he went back into his room.

I knew I should've done something – like apologize – but I was too high up that I couldn't see anything else below me. Besides, I didn't want to look like the bad guy because I really wasn't. What's in the past is in the past. There's nothing I can do to erase those things and she had to realize that. I never meant to do those things to hurt her. I knew what she was dealing with and I knew better than to add more problems on to her plate.

I heaved a heavy sigh as I opened the door and welcomed Alex, Jack and Rian. I told them to stay in the living room for awhile and they followed without further question. I threw the trash out before heading back inside and washing my hands. Once I wiped off the water from my hands with my shirt, I gave the guys a welcome and told them that the guest room was already taken.

"Well, where do you expect us to sleep?" Rian asked inquisitively.

"And who's staying in the guest room?" asked Alex.

"Well you guys can camp out here," I said looking around and seeing that there was enough space to hold three living souls. It wouldn't be that comfy but they'd have to make do with what they had.

"You dodged the question," Alex said raising one of those weirdly-shaped eyebrows he had.

"Mia's here," I told them all their eyes opened wide.

"Isn't she the one you wouldn't shut up about?" Jack asked as soon as he could.

"That's the one whose boyfriend killed himself, right?" Rian added.

"Wait, she's here now? I thought you said she'd get some help first," Alex mentioned.

"Really, Zack? That's what you told them?" I heard Mia say from the back. I spun around quickly and saw that more tears had sprung from her already bloodshot eyes.

I couldn't say anything. I didn't see or hear her come in. I walked towards her but all she did was run back into Peter's room where she'd been all along.

I can't believe this all just happened. Talk about the very epitome of a fucked up day. I was dead tired and I really didn't want to deal with this.

I breathed out through my mouth leaving the questions asked by the guys unanswered. I looked at them and shook my head as I head up the stairs. I needed time to clear my head. Probably a cold shower would make this all better.

{MIA'S POV}

I can't believe Zack's been talking shit about me to other people. It hurt to know that someone like him could even do such a thing.

I stayed in the confines of Peter's arms as I cried to him. I apologized about a thousand times for ruining his day which eventually turned into night but he told me that I ruining it at all. He told me that this was the perfect time to help me since he felt like he hasn't done anything for me but tease me and bring me down with all his life.

"We were all kids once," I told him as I started to calm down a little.

"I know but that doesn't erase the guilt I feel," he said stroking my hair. "You didn't deserve all that shit."

"Peter, it was mindless teasing. You don't have to worry about it."

"I'm not talking about just that," he said sitting up. "I'm talking about everything with Eric and now with Zack and Ryan. I don't even know how you managed to stay alive but I guess it goes to show that you're just that strong. You'll get through this."

I smiled as I heard the words tumble from his mouth. At least I could still trust and confide in Peter. I knew he wouldn't cross me in any way.


	18. Chapter 18

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone on Peter's bed. I turned to look at the clock only to realize that it was nine in the morning. I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom that was attached to his room and splashed my face with cold water. I didn't know what I was going to do today and I didn't want to have to think about that. But the sad thing was that I had to.

I slowly made my way to Peter's bedroom door. I was about to twist it open when I realized that there were other people in the house now. How was I going to show my face to the world ever again? I mean I know I might sound a little overdramatic but Zack told them things about me. I didn't want to be judged but from what I heard yesterday, they weren't the kind of guys who were most likely to keep their mouth shut when they heard something.

But I had to keep it together. I had to get through this. So once I thought I had enough courage, I walked out of Peter's bedroom and made my way to the stairs. Fortunately for me, they were all sleeping with their mouths open. One of them was even snoring loudly.

I sighed in relief as I made my way up the stairs silently but little did I know that someone was already waiting for me to venture into my room. Zack had this sympathetic look about his eyes when we saw each other. I looked away quickly and tried to rush into my room but he blocked it with is gigantic build.

"Please talk to me," he begged in a whisper as he held my wrist.

"What do you want me to say, Zack?" I asked him, biting my bottom lip.

"Something, anything, I don't know. Just don't leave me in this state I'm in." He was desperate but was I in the mood to care? No.

"Look, I'm not the one who got you in to this mess. You placed yourself in it. Now you have to go and look for a way out," I told him and jerked my wrist away.

He was shocked. I saw it in the way his eyes were wide open and staring. I shoved him aside as I made my way into my room. I shut the door and locked it. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I had no more tears to suffice whatever I was feeling but that's actually a good thing. It just goes to show that I won't be the girl who does nothing to fix the problems in her life. For once, I'm actually fending for myself.

I took a shower and changed into some casual clothes before heading down the stairs with one word in my head – fearless. Now, that might sound like something Taylor Swift would say but I don't know. I just feel that way and I actually feel great. I checked my hair in the mirror in the foyer before heading into the kitchen to grab something to eat.

As I walked to the kitchen, I felt a few eyes follow my every move. I didn't care though. If they wanted to judge me with what Zack told them, then maybe they should. All that I'm saying is that I'm sick of caring about what other people think of me and what I do. Why can't they just mind their own business?

I grabbed a bowl and the box of cereal from the pantry. Cocoa Pebbles were my favorite. I dropped a certain amount of it into my bowl before grabbing the milk from the fridge and pouring it in. I sat on the island counter as I ate. My phone buzzed in my pocket so I grabbed it and checked the screen.

I got a message from an old friend named Kayla. She was one of my best friends back in high school and we never were able to keep in touch ever since but I'm glad she texted me at this moment in time because I was feeling really awkward. It was as if I was some big-time star and the guys sitting on the dining table were freakin' starstruck.

Kayla told me about how she called our house back home to reach me but my mom told her that I was here in California. Kayla said that she was actually in California and claimed to see me in the beach we went to yesterday but she just had to make sure. I smiled at the message and told her that we had to hang out some time.

I took another bite of cereal before one of them – the bald one with the unusually white teeth – came up to me and stood right across me.

"Hey, uh, we're sorry for everything that went down yesterday. We didn't mean for you to hear any of that. It's just that we were so surprised and we couldn't hold our tongues," the guy said sounding sincere.

I took into consideration his apology and thought about snubbing it but I wasn't that kind of person. "Thanks," I said with a smile as I took another bite of cereal. I was actually pretty hungry.

"My name's Rian. The guy right there on the left is Alex and the one beside him is Jack," he introduced and I smiled and waved as they came over to me.

"I'm Mia but you all probably knew that already," I told them and they all laughed.

We started to talk about the most random things from if I've ever been to Disneyland to if I liked Blink 182 and Fall Out Boy.

"That's like my whole music scene right there," I told them and they stared at me like I just swallowed a fly.

"We just thought you were someone who'd most likely listen to the Jonas Brothers or something," Jack mentioned and I smacked him in the head.

"Hey! Their second album was pretty okay," I said sending them all into fits of laughter. What they didn't know was that I actually meant it. But they didn't really have to know that.

It took me time to realize that I was actually just socializing with the people who I thought were bad people. I just smiled to myself as I embraced the moment I had with my new friends. I haven't laughed like this in days and just being with them already sets my spirits high.

"So where are you headed?" Alex asked looking me up and down.

"I was actually planning on heading out with a friend." Kayla told me that she'd meet me at the Starbucks close to the beach she saw me in about twenty minutes ago but I did tell her that I was gonna be running a little late.

"Would you mind the company?" Rian asked.

"Not at all," I told them and with that we left the house.

We all got into the car that Peter said they could borrow and made our way to the Starbucks a few blocks from the house. I didn't know what they were all talking about. I was just staring out the window when suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Alex and I were sitting in the back seat while Jack took shotgun and Rian drove. Alex asked me how I was holding up. "I know what it's like to have someone pass away like that," he told me with the saddest eyes.

I smiled as I looked up at him. "I'm holding up fine, I guess," I told him.

He was going to say something else when Jack asked his opinion on something. He wasn't paying attention and he couldn't think of anything to answer him with.

I thought about how Alex said those words to me and wondered what the story behind those sad eyes was. But we were already at the coffee shop and Kayla was waving at me. I was about to wave back when all of a sudden, Zack came out of nowhere, spun her around and kissed her right in the lips.

And just like that, my heart got smashed into pieces all over again.


	19. Chapter 19

I literally came to a screeching halt when I saw the show in front of me. I felt like the world stopped spinning for a while. I turned around and saw that the three other guys I came to the coffee shop with were looking at me strangely.

"You look like you just saw a ghost," Jack said, placing an arm around my shoulders. He spun me around but I didn't want to move.

"Can we, uh, skip the meet? I don't feel comfortable," I told them and they looked at each other before looking at the window.

Alex's eyes connected with mine and told me that they understood what I was trying to relay to the rest of the guys. Jack and Rian kept asking me why though. "Tell you what, you guys can go inside and then ride home with Zack. I'll take care of Mia," he offered and I smiled at him.

"You sure, man?" Rian asked Alex but kept his eyes on the window. He was practically staring at the two sucking face through the window.

"Just tell Kayla something came up," I told Jack and Rian. They nodded and went on their way after handing me the keys.

Once Alex and I were alone, we walked back to the car and Alex started the ignition. He told me that he wanted to drive so I gave him the keys without hesitation.

"How did you know?" I asked Alex as soon as we hit the road. It was weird how he caught on to what I was trying to say without me having to speak a word of it. I mean I always thought guys were slow. But then again maybe that's a biased way to look at things.

"Zack told me about juggling two girls at the same time. It wasn't that hard to put two and two together. I mean you literally stopped when you saw what they were doing a while back," he said in the calmest tone. He licked his lips and glanced at me when I didn't answer him.

I sighed internally as I tried to think about what else Zack told the guys. I mean I always thought I could trust him with everything. He used to be really good at keeping secrets. But now I wonder what happened to that mouth of his.

"Look, I know you're upset and I wish I could take your mind off it but to do that, you're gonna have to tell me where you wanna go," he said with a smile as we slowed to a stop at the side of the road. I didn't even notice that we were driving in circles until he pulled over.

"Well, I've never been here before…" I trailed off as I watched the other cars zoom past us. Sure, I was pretty upset but I wasn't going to cry over it. My tears seemed useless at this point.

"Oh, then that means that I will serve as your tour guide for the day." He winked at me before getting the car back on the road.

I smiled at Alex even though he wasn't looking. The thought of him being here next to me made me feel much better. It made me realize that I don't need Zack to make me feel appreciated. I didn't need a boyfriend to make me smile. Friends can help me do that and I was able to prove that today.

Alex drove us to this really big mall somewhere far from where the house was. I had no fears though since I knew Alex wasn't some psycho rapist who was bound to hurt me. I can't believe I even thought about that.

"So I'm guessing a mall is our first stop. How exciting," I said with a hint of sarcasm as I stepped right beside Alex who was walking to the entrance.

"Oh you haven't seen anything yet," he said, playing along. "Wait 'til you see what kind of tourist spot this is. I mean people come here all the time."

I rolled my eyes at him as I nudged him to the side. I was expecting him to nudge me back but he just kept his hands in his jean pockets. We walked in silence for a few minutes until we got inside the mall. A cold breeze met up with us at the door and it gave me goosebumps for about five whole seconds.

"So where are we headed?" I asked Alex as he stared at some girls in really skimpy outfits. No wonder he wanted to come here. He wanted to get his game on. But that's fine with me. I mean the least I could do to pay him back for saving me today was be his wing-woman.

"We're going to get ice cream." I looked at Alex with an eyebrow raised but he just showed off his cheeky smile.

I rolled my eyes before he grabbed my hand and led the way. Somehow, I didn't mind his hand in mine. Somehow, it felt right. It was as if we've known each other for so long that I didn't think much about it. And besides, I don't think he'd be interested in me. No one is.

After an escalator ride to the next floor, Alex dragged me and took a left turn and rushed inside an ice cream parlor. No one was inside so once we got inside, Alex started ordering his flavor of ice cream. I was just staring at the tubs of ice cream not really sure about what I might want.

"You're turn," Alex said after a few seconds.

I told the cashier that I wanted a scoop of chocolate peanut butter and vanilla ice cream in a cone. Right when I was about to grab my wallet from my bag, Alex stepped in and handed the guy the money that we needed for the ice cream. Nevertheless, I searched for my wallet inside my bag so I could pay him back.

"Mia, it's fine. You don't have to pay me for buying you ice cream," Alex said, trying to take my hands out of my bag.

"Are you sure?" I asked and he nodded.

Once we got our ice cream, we sat by the table and started to exchange words. We were talking about ice cream flavors for a while but then the conversation soon ended. Next thing I knew, we were talking about how we both lost someone special in our lives.

"Daniel took his own life away and I was devastated," he said, licking the side of his cone. It only occurred to me now that we actually ordered the same thing but he had two scoops of chocolate peanut butter. "But at least I got some good songs out of it."

"That must've been a hard time for you," I said, grabbing a tissue from the side.

"It was but life moved on and so did I. It sort of served as a learning experience for me. It taught me that we could lose someone at any time so we've got to live life to the fullest every day, you know?" he said, getting some vanilla on tip of his nose.

I laughed as he tried to get it off. He wasn't getting anywhere near it though. "Here, let me help you," I said getting up from my seat and leaning over to wipe the tip of his nose.

When I sat back down, I noticed that Alex was getting flushed. I wanted to laugh at how cute he was but I held it inside. "Well, you probably know what happened to Eric already," I said, licking the part where the two flavors mixed.

"I wouldn't mind if you retold the story."

I told him exactly what he knew. I don't think Zack was the type to leave things out. I mean he's proved to me that he could spill all my secrets plus the details so I wouldn't be surprised that Alex had full coverage about what happened.

It took me quite a while to realize that a few tears had spilled from my eyes. I wiped them away quickly but they kept falling. I thought I was strong enough for this but apparently, I wasn't.

Alex transferred to the seat beside me and placed his free arm around me. "It's good to vent sometimes. You don't have to hide the tears," he said, tracing incoherent shapes on my bare arm.

I licked my lips and looked at him and smiled. I didn't know what came over me but all of a sudden, I found myself moving closer to him. He kept his eyes on my lips as they crashed into his. And for the next few minutes, I was in pure bliss.


	20. Chapter 20

"Shit, I'm so sorry," I said, pulling away quickly.

Alex didn't say anything. He just smiled at me with a smirk. I looked away but he twisted my head back around by placing his forefinger underneath my chin. He tilted my head up and reconnected our lips.

I really liked the way he handled everything. The kiss was sweet and tasty but it was nothing compared to Zack's. I know I shouldn't be comparing but I can't help it. Besides, Zack's probably off with Kayla doing unspeakable things. So instead of thinking about what could've happened with Zack and me, I let Alex take me to different places. He was great at showing me around and there was zero awkwardness between us. One thing I liked about Alex is that we had so much in common. It was really easy to get to know him. Speaking to him came naturally as well. It was as if we were meant to be or. Maybe in another reality we did end up together but in this world, I don't think I stand a chance.

It was finally six thirty in the evening but we had no plans on heading back home just yet. Alex told me that there was a carnival somewhere near the house. So we parked the car in the garage and walked to the venue.

"So do you like cotton candy?" he asked me as we walked under the orange sky.

"I'd live in it if I had the chance," I said, making him chuckle.

"The house would be hard to maintain though," Alex mentioned.

"Well I wouldn't eat the house. I'd eat the garden outside and then maybe the whole city beyond my garden," I said childishly. I've had so much fun with Alex today that I had gotten a high from it. No bad vibes crossed my path at all.

"If you were a cotton candy, I wouldn't eat you up." I looked at him and watched him stare at the distance. I cocked an eyebrow but he refused to make eye contact.

"Wow, how sweet of you," I said, pinching his cheek. He laughed as he grabbed a hold of my hand and let it fall to the side. He laced his fingers with mine and had no intention of letting go. My heart stuttered for a while but I started to calm down after a few solid ten seconds.

The California breeze took the place of our conversation. The air felt so good on my skin. I wanted to tell Alex that the beach would've been a better place to hang out but I didn't want to sound rude. It was good enough that he was taking me out somewhere.

"We're here," he sang. He dragged me towards the cotton candy stall and bought two sticks.

"Isn't this bad for your throat?" I asked, taking a big chunk of cotton and placing it inside my mouth where it magically vanished.

"As long as I drink loads of water, it's fine."

We both walked around with our cotton candy in hand. We continued to talk about stupid random things until eventually, we finished our cotton candy. It was all fun and laughter until we coincidentally met up with Kayla – the backstabber – and Zack – the man whore.

"Hey! Why'd you cancel this morning?" Kayla asked me.

"I forgot I had other plans," I replied with a sense of deceit which she didn't notice. "I'm sorry I didn't call."

"It's alright. We can always hang some other time," she said with a bright smile.

I couldn't be mad at Kayla. She didn't know that I liked Zack and plus maybe it's been them this whole time but Zack was too much of a manwhore to stay loyal to her. I wanted to beat him up for taking Kayla for granted but it would probably be useless seeing that he could pass as the Hulk's brother.

"This is Alex by the way," I introduced but they both laughed.

"We already know each other," Kayla mentioned, staring directly at Alex.

I looked at Alex but he wasn't interested in her at all. For a minute I thought I saw disgust in his eyes. I wanted to laugh badly but I held it together.

Zack stayed completely silent. I knew he was surprised. He didn't expect us to be here and neither did we but I knew that that wasn't why he was silent. I didn't know if he still felt bad about what happened because it seems to me that he's over everything and he's ready to let me go. I just can't believe he led me on though. I got fooled by my supposed best friend and he's doing nothing about it. He must think I'm a big fool.

"So where are you guys headed?" Kayla asked. Apparently, she was the only one who wanted to keep talking.

"We were just gonna walk around," I said, looking at Alex who nodded. He didn't seem that chipper anymore. I wonder what the back story's about.

"Well, have fun." She rushed out with Zack who wanted nothing more than to get out of the scene.

I wouldn't say it was an awkward meet but I just wish we hadn't crossed paths. I mean Alex doesn't have a smile on his face anymore and that's never a good sign.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I asked him as soon as we stopped and sat on a bench under a big tree.

"Kayla's my ex," he said sullenly.

"Did it end badly?" I asked, grabbing his hand. He seemed to be lost in his own little world so I tried to recapture his attention.

"She was in to me for the popularity. She broke up with me because she thought I spent too much time writing music. She was a pretty jealous psychopath. She even broke one of my mixed tapes because she claimed to be angry at me." He looked so sad. He squeezed my hand a little to make me look up at him.

"I'm guessing that mixed tape was really important," I said more to myself than to him.

"It was the first mixed tape I ever made. It had some legit stuff in it."

"Did she know exactly what it was?" I asked, scooting over to him.

"She knew fucking well what it was because I made her listen to it once but all she wanted to do was make out."

I never thought Kayla could be that shallow. Now, she's with Zack. I wonder what kind of world she'd send him into once their relationship hits the grave. But then again, maybe they'd last long or whatever.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," I said, facing him completely.

"It's fine, really. It just opened my eyes and made me see that not all girls are really into me for me," he said, scrunching his face up right after he spoke. "Wait, shit, that sounded cheesy and gross. Sorry."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't worry. I'll like you for you no matter how cheesy or gross you may be," I whispered into his ear, making him chuckle.

He held me by the waist wrapped me up in a sweet embrace. I smiled to myself before wrapping my arms around his neck. As soon as we pulled away, we connected our lips knowing that that's where we were meant to be. I had no complaints whatsoever. I mean it's really Zack's loss and now, he's suffering with the devil's spawn. Sucks to be him.


	21. Chapter 21

**ZACK**

The moment I saw her with Alex, my heart wrenched. I had to do heavy breathing exercises to calm myself down. I swear, if I didn't have any self control at all, I would've pounced at him. How the hell is he able to come here and take away everything that ever mattered to me? Why the fuck would he even try?

I totally spaced out and forgot that Kayla was with me until she waved her cotton candy in front of my face. Normally, I would enjoy I stick of sugar spun around on a stick and vanishes in your mouth, but if I had to enjoy it with Kayla, I would rather pass.

I don't even know why I was with her right now. I didn't know why I kissed her when we were at Starbucks. I was just having a bad day and coincidentally, she was too. That doesn't give me any reason though.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" she asked, snapping her fingers to catch my attention.

"Sorry," was all I could say. I really didn't want to get caught up in her web. Where was I when I jumped headfirst into this mess? I guess I just wanted someone to entertain me for a while. I didn't think it'd turn into a whole day thing. Kayla's usually just a fuck buddy and I call her every now and then when I want something from her, but I was surprised when she asked me if I wanted to go to the carnival tonight. I didn't know how to respond to that so I just said yes.

"I know that face," she mentioned, as she took a seat on a bench. She patted the space beside her and I sat on it.

"What face?" I asked rather curiously.

"The face you have on when you're aggravated about a girl. It happens when you go through a break up or an argument," she said knowingly.

"There's a face for that?" I asked myself more than I asked her.

"Zack, don't you think I know why you call me up in the middle of the night just so you can ask me to meet up with you the next day?" She seemed hurt but I could never really tell with her.

I didn't answer her. She just gave out a small laugh and went back to eating her cotton candy. I couldn't say I felt guilty about anything since it was like a habit for me to call her whenever things like these happens but I wish I hadn't. Calling her is equivalent to running away from my problems. It shows how weak I am as a person and I needed to change that. I needed to fit this body with my personality.

"Well, I guess I'll just head home now," I said after a few minutes of silence.

"But we didn't even get to do anything yet," she whined. I rolled my eyes and said goodbye before making my way to the exit.

I got into my car, realizing that Kayla didn't really have a ride home. I didn't want to go back in there so I just drove away not giving a fuck about what happens to her. I shouldn't have called her today or ever. Thinking about it makes me feel so disgusted. How could I have ever stooped so low?

Once I finished the ten minute drive to my house – could've been five but for some reason there was a traffic jam somewhere in the middle – I parked the car in the garage and made my way to the door. I was about to open it when I heard loud moans.

"Alex!" I heard Mia moan out loud.

Anger shot through me as I burst inside the door and ran to living room. I rushed in just to see that Alex was on top of her – with clothes on – tickling her sides.

"I give up, I give up!" she yelled and he finally got off of her.

It took both of them a minimum of ten seconds to notice that I was standing in the living room watching them.

"Hey Zack, didn't hear you come in," Alex said, helping Mia off of the couch.

_Gee, I wonder why, _I thought to myself. "Yeah, well I just got here," I said in the calmest voice possible before walking towards the kitchen.

I knew Alex and Kayla had some kind of history but I didn't really think it'd bother him that much that I was hanging with her.

I heard a bedroom door slam and I was expecting to see Alex come into the kitchen but to my surprise, it was Mia. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened the can while casually walking to the side. I didn't know what to say to her so I just kept my mouth shut.

"Okay, I know I shouldn't have snapped at you like that this morning and I'm sorry," she apologized sincerely, leaning against the counter.

I almost spit out the beer that made its way down my throat. I looked at her in the strangest way. I gave her a look but she just shrugged it off.

"You are aware that it was my fault, right?" I didn't really feel good admitting it like that but she shouldn't really be apologizing for something she didn't do even if I'm the one to blame here.

"I just don't want to fight with you anymore," she said, making her way towards me. She looked into my eyes before wrapping her arms around me.

I put the can down and held her tightly. I never thought that forgiveness would come this easily for me but I'm glad I was given this opportunity.

"I don't like fighting with you either," I told her.

She pulled back a few inches but kept her hands on my shoulders. I kept mine on her hips. I love how we were both right here in this moment.

"So now you have to give me your approval," she changed the subject.

When we were young, we made a promise that we'd only date someone if we both approved of him/her. If she didn't think she was good for me, I'd stay away. If I didn't think a guy was good for her, after much persuasion, she'd stay away from him. I never got the chance to give my approval for Eric since I wasn't around when they got together. I tried to get her out of the mess though but he killed himself before I could do anything.

I blinked before letting go of her as I thought about what this was about. "What do you mean?" I tried to clarify.

"You know, you have to promise to stay away from Alex once we make it official," she whispered.

"But it's only been a day." I know that that wasn't really why I refused to agree to this but she didn't have to know that.

"I know but in case it becomes something more sometime soon, I just want to know that you're okay with it." The way she said those words, I could never forget. She spoke with full confidence, not giving a fuck about what I might feel about this. Has she forgotten my feelings for her already?

_And what if I don't approve of this? _I thought. I wanted to voice that question out badly but I knew that that would spark a fight. I hate how everything has to be so complicated.

"What about us?" I had to have some courage in me. I couldn't live with myself if I never had the strength to tell her how I truly felt. I'd live everyday with a broken heart if that were the case.

"What about us?" she repeated in a different tone.

"I thought we had something," I said, looking out the window.

She smirked as she grabbed my tense fist. She relieved it and opened it up. She laced her fingers with mine and kissed the back of my palm.

"I'll always have time for you. You never have to worry about that. It won't be like what I had with Eric. Alex is different, Zack. Just give me your approval."

She totally misunderstood me. I didn't know what else to say to her. I guess if I really loved her, I had to set her free. Maybe Alex can lift some of the depression that's still in her. He was always the better guy. I sighed heavily before I put on a smile and nodded once.

"Thank you so, so, so much!" she said, wrapping her arms around me. "You won't regret this."

It's too bad that I already was.


	22. Chapter 22

**MIA  
**

As I walked back towards my room – that Alex was probably ransacking at the moment – I turned to look back at Zack. But as I turned, he just gave me a small smile that held a secret or two. He didn't seem to be happy for me. I don't think I'd have to ask questions to know why though.

Just as I was about to twist the doorknob to my room, the phone in my pocket started buzzing.

"Hello?" I answered, without looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Mia, I don't know if Zack told you, but I'm headed out for tour and I'll be gone for a couple of weeks," Peter said in an undefined tone.

"Oh, he didn't say anything. But I hope you do great! Bring back some merch for me," I said with more enthusiasm than I could've ever hoped for.

I didn't exactly understand why I was over-the-top happy but that's what being with Alex felt like and I couldn't help it.

"You seem really happy…," he trailed off. Well, maybe getting curious wouldn't be something I'd doubt since I've been crying these last two days. But at least I'm not completely alone and that if ever I did need to cry, I could borrow Alex's shoulder and lean on it.

"Yeah, I am. It's going pretty great here."

"Well, save some of that happiness until I get back, okay? I don't ever want to see another tear from your eyes."

I laughed at his last sentiment as we both hung up. I twisted the door knob to find Alex jumping like a hooligan around my room.

"What's gotten into you?" I asked after I shut the door.

"You got into me," he said, pushing me against the door. He kissed me hard and I smiled as I snuck my fingers under his shirt and started tickling him.

He started wiggling like a worm as I tickled his sides. He lost his balance and then I fell on top of him as we laughed our butts off.

"You know, you never should've done that," he whispered.

"Do tell me why, Mr. Gaskarth," I replied, mocking a really bad British accent.

"Yeah, we have to work on that terrible accent you have, dear," he answered back with a sexier British accent.

"You sound really sexy in that voice," I said, nipping his neck.

"And you're pretty sexy," he said and my head perked up.

"Okay, we have to work on better pick up lines," I said, getting off him.

"Or we can work on you."

He carried me and threw me on the bed where we made out for a pretty long time. I can never get tired of this. Life is definitely getting better.

**ZACK**

Okay, it hasn't been an hour since I got back and I am annoyed to the highest level. I can practically feel the walls shake. People on top of Mt. Everest can probably hear both of them screaming. It was about eleven at night and they were already having sex.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but just before I was about to, I heard someone's phone ring. It came from the kitchen. I followed the ringing and saw that Alex's phone laid unattended on the kitchen counter.

I walked to it and grabbed it. The messages were from Lisa – his ex. I read them not exactly caring that they were private or not. It was sort of a spur in a moment kind of thing and stuff like this intrigued me.

All the messages seemed like they were still together. It seriously didn't have some kind of break-up tone hidden underneath.

I couldn't believe he was cheating on her with Mia. She's practically using Mia as a sex toy and I just let it happen. Now, I can't even do anything about it because I promised her that I'd stay the fuck away from Alex.

This day just couldn't get any better.

I grabbed my keys from the glass bowl in the foyer but before I could make it out the door, Rian and Jack ran outside and told me to wait for them.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked as soon as he caught up with me.

"We?" I tried to clarify. Last I checked, I was heading out to the bar by myself.

"We don't want to be house bound forever here in LA. We wanna live it up!" Rian pitched in.

I shook my head at both of them and got into the driver's seat of my car. They both got in and we were off to Angels and Kings to get a load off.

The drive to the bar wasn't exactly quick. There was a little traffic here and there but the ride wasn't all that boring or silent. I guess I am a little thankful that Rian and Jack tagged along. At least I know I still have friends by my side.

"So what's the deal with you?" Rian asked all of a sudden.

"What do you mean?" I asked him as I swerved to the right.

"You don't head down to a bar unless you've got something on your mind." He leaned his back on the car door and turned his body to face me. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt so it wasn't exactly that hard.

Jack sat leaned front from the back and stared at me intently. Even if I couldn't see, I could tell that his eyes were burning holes through my neck. I hated to be under the spotlight but then again, they are my best friends so I might as well go on and tell them what I'm hiding under my skin.

"The reason I brought Mia here wasn't just to get her away from all the drama she's been through back in Maryland. I mean I did want to help her and I thought I could but I can't. At least not right now," I started.

"Why's that?" Jack chimed in.

"Well…" I scratched my head hoping that they'd drop the subject.

"Well, what?" Rian prodded.

I heaved a heavy sigh as I contemplated on whether telling them these things – sober – would be good. But the traffic had started to get even heavier so I decided that maybe prolonging the agony might only cost me more than I can account for.

"I think I'm in love with her," I said in the lowest voice possible but since we were in a closed space, there was no way their eardrums could miss what I had just confessed.

"You're what?" Rian exclaimed.

I honked at the car right in front of us and wanted to just drive it out but apparently, the world wouldn't give me what I want. I knew I had to face my problems but couldn't I do it with a beer in hand, at least?

"You're kidding, right?" Jack asked, as soon as he regained composure.

"I wish I was, Jack. Before you guys came we were sort of together but it never really reached anywhere because Ogren was in the way. But now that he's gone on tour with the rest of Runner Runner, Alex replaces me before I can even make the first move," I told them, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

"What's Ogren got to do with anything?" Rian asked.

I looked at him before looking back at the road. The bar was just a few meters ahead and the road was empty so I stepped on the gas and entered the Angels & Kings' parking lot and parked the car before I said anything else. "Well, he liked her too but she turned him down and he just couldn't get the message. I tried to straighten it out by giving him a knuckle sandwich or two but that only made Mia angry at me."

"Should've thought of that one beforehand," Rian said, getting out of the car.

We all walked towards the entrance that had a pretty long line before it. Luckily, we spotted Pete before we were asked to line up.

"Hey guys! I didn't know you were in LA. A call or a text would've sufficed, you know." Pete greeted each of us with bro-hugs and led us in without having to go through security and all that.

"It was sort of a last-minute thing since our boy here has been down in the dumps for so long," Jack said placing an arm around my shoulder to emphasize who he was talking about.

"I hope you feel better, bro," Pete sympathized. "Drinks on the house tonight for you guys so you guys better drink up, a'ight?"

We all gave out instant smiles and raided the bar after we thanked Pete. The feeling of happiness may not be as great as when I'm with Mia but living it up for the moment won't exactly hurt anyone.


End file.
